


All Through The Night

by 71tenseventeen



Category: Men's Hockey RPF
Genre: Adoption, Domestic Fluff, Evgeni Malkin Is Not a Hockey Player, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, Kid Fic, M/M, Romance, Sidney Crosby is Not a Hockey Player, Single Parents, Slow Burn, mentions of other relationships, non-hockey au
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-29
Updated: 2020-05-29
Packaged: 2021-03-02 18:54:41
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 34,215
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24431689
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/71tenseventeen/pseuds/71tenseventeen
Summary: When it’s all said and done, the details won’t matter. All Sid will know is the way he feels.
Relationships: Sidney Crosby/Evgeni Malkin
Comments: 40
Kudos: 213
Collections: The 2020 Sid/Geno Exchange





	All Through The Night

**Author's Note:**

  * For [purgatorymaybe](https://archiveofourown.org/users/purgatorymaybe/gifts).



> This is my sidgeno exchange gift for the wonderful purgatorymaybe.
> 
> Huge thanks to my betas hrroyalgeekness, ljummen and visionshadows. You all are the best.

_All through the night_

_I'll be awake and I'll be with you_

_All through the night_

_This precious time when time is new_

_Oh, all through the night today_

_Knowing that we feel the same without saying_

**January**

“I really can’t believe you, Sid.”

Sid stares as Adam throws clothes hastily back into his overnight bag.

“I can’t believe you’re going to throw this away for _that_.”

“I want a family. You’ve known that since you met me.”

“And you know I don’t. I’m not going to change my mind.”

“Neither am I. I can’t keep putting my life on hold. That’s why I’m telling you now.” Sid clutches the paperwork he requested from the adoption agency a little tighter.

Adam huffs and slings his bag over his shoulder before pushing past him. Sid follows him out of the house and onto the porch where Adam stops to turn back to Sid. Past his shoulder Sid can see Geno, his friend and next door neighbor getting out of his car, followed closely by a petite blonde woman. He sighs—he really doesn’t need an audience for this. “We could have been really good, you know? Are you sure about this?”

“I’m sure. I’m sorry.”

“You’re making a mistake,” is all he says before turning and tromping down the steps and out of Sid’s life.

Sid watches him drive away before sinking down onto the steps. It’s chilly, but the sun is still high and he leans against the cold bricks of the porch pillar with a sigh. He’s not sad, exactly. Adam was nice and they’d been dating for a few months, but it was clear the relationship was never going to go in the direction Sid wanted. He wants a family, and he’s tired of waiting for someone who may or may not come into his life to do it with. Glancing back down at the papers still clutched in his hand, he knows he did the right thing.

“Sid?”

He glances up and offers a smile that’s immediately returned. “Hi, Geno.”

Geno nods towards the empty space on the step next to Sid. “Okay if I sit?”

“Sure.”

He does, and then asks quietly, “Can tell me if I’m too nosy but that what I think it was?”

“Yeah. It just wasn’t working.”

“You okay?”

“I am.” He turns to Geno with another soft smile, wanting so much to share his news with someone who might actually be happy for him. “I—I decided I’m going to try to adopt.”

Geno’s eyes widen as his face lights up a little. “That so great, Sid!”

Sid beams, biting his lower lip as he looks back down at the papers. “I’m starting the paperwork tonight. I—it’s a long process, and there’s a lot to do but I’m ready.”

“Happy for you. You gonna be amazing Papa.”

Sid lets those words wash over him, filling him with warmth. “I hope so.”

“I take it Adam not agree?”

“Nope.”

“He stupid.”

Sid shrugs. “He just isn’t ready for that and I can’t wait forever for someone who is.”

Geno shrugs but grins over at Sid. “Still think he stupid.”

Sid grins back, cutting his eyes over Geno’s shoulder as a slice of light flashes when his girlfriend opens the front door. “Ah, I think, um…” He nods towards Geno’s house.

Geno sighs. “Guess that my cue.” He stands before turning to Sid again. “Congratulation, Sid. Really happy for you. You need anything; let me know.”

“Thanks, Geno. I will.”

\--

A small moving van shows up in Geno’s driveway a week later and then he and his girlfriend—Varya— are unloading hoards of clothes and furniture. Sid thinks about offering to help, he should probably at least go over and congratulate them or something but—Varya smiles widely up at Geno as he gathers her playfully in his arms, and something small and uneasy twists unpleasantly deep in Sid’s stomach. They look like they have it under control anyway.

**February**

Sid peeks out the window and smiles at the snow coming down. He’s always loved this kind of weather, even if it can be a bit of a pain in the ass. He wishes it wasn’t dark already, though. Maybe he should’ve arranged to babysit the whole day, but that would have been weird. Instead, he’s heading over now, so Tanger can take Cath out for Valentine’s Day.

He’s brushing the fresh snow from his windshield when Geno’s front door opens and he steps out, followed by Varya. They’re a little dressed up, and Varya is smiling from ear to ear. They’re probably going to a fancy restaurant or something. Sid returns Geno’s wave and goes back to clearing his windows.

He’d had a few seconds earlier in the week when he thought maybe he could try to find a date for the evening. But he’d promised Tanger and, besides, there’s no one he wants to date that would be free on Valentine’s Day anyhow.

“Big plans tonight?” Sid jumps at Geno’s voice. How did he get so close without Sid hearing him?

“Oh. Um, nah. Well, I mean, I’m babysitting for Kris and Cath.” He grins.

“Sound fun,” Geno returns his grin. “Probably more fun than stuffy restaurant.”

“Yeah sure,” Sid laughs. “So, uh, stuffy restaurant for you two, then?”

Geno shrugs. “She’s like. Better not piss off on love holiday.”

Sid snorts. “Probably not, no.”

“Zhenya,” Varya is calling him from inside the car, looking impatient as she continues with a string of Russian that Sid can’t hope to understand. He feels a spike of annoyance that he knows he’s not entitled to have, so he waves to her. She returns the gesture with a tight smile before turning her gaze pointedly back to Geno.

“Guess that my cue. Have fun tonight.”

“You too, G.” Sid climbs in his car and gives a quick wave without really looking at them as he pulls out of the drive.

**March**

Sid fidgets nervously with his water glass.

He’s been dressed and ready to go for twenty minutes, and he’s still got another ten to kill before Gabe is supposed to be here.

It feels strange, dating at the same time he’s carrying out the adoption process—Sid almost said no when Gabe asked him out, but then he remembered getting turned on the night before by an actor in a kleenex commercial, so he’d returned Gabe’s bright smile and accepted. Sitting in his house longing for something he can't have isn’t going to do him any good and besides, there’s still a long way to go in the adoption process. It’s just one date and if it leads to more, well, there’s no reason he shouldn’t be allowed to enjoy himself in the meantime.

Gabe is right on time. Sid snickers to himself as they get seated in what Geno would probably consider a stuffy restaurant. The conversation is a little awkward, but the food and wine are good, and eventually they both relax enough to make talking a little easier.

When they kiss at his front door later, Sid only thinks about it for a second before he pushes the door open and pulls Gabe in with him.

Things are a little stilted again the next morning, but they still grin at each other as they share a last kiss before Gabe heads out to his car.

A couple hours later, Sid is frowning down at all the pictures he’s laid out on the dining room table. He needs to create a family profile for the agency to show birth parents but it seems more than a little impossible to use these pictures to somehow convey to them how much he wants to be a father and how hard he would work every day to be a good one.

He drops the picture of himself in the clown suit Flower made him wear last Halloween into the “no” pile.

He’s trying to pick between two pictures of himself to put on the first page when the doorbell rings.

He finds Geno at the door, wearing a funny look on his face. “Hey G,” he steps back, letting Geno pass by him. He immediately spots the table full of pictures and pops straight into the dining area.

“Art and craft time?”

Sid snorts. “No. I have to make a family profile for the agency, and it has to have a lot of pictures.”

Geno glances down at the two Sid has lined up on the cover of the still empty book. “Profile for show families? So they get to know you better?”

“Yup. That’s exactly it, and it’s impossible. I can’t convince someone to let me parent a child with a bunch of pictures.”

Geno looks up at him for a moment before he gives a little shake of his head. “They see the pictures, they gonna see who you are and that you best.”

“I wish it worked that way.”

“You show them who you really are, then it will.”

Sid feels his cheeks heat up. “Thanks. I—thanks.”

Geno shrugs and holds out a black glove, and Sid frowns. “What’s that?”

“I go out to shovel snow this morning and find on your driveway after your guest leave.”

Sid flushes a little deeper and tries to busy his hands with a stack of rejected pictures. “Ah, that might be Gabe’s then.”

Geno stares at him for another moment before finally smiling. “Probably. Glad you find nice guy. Must have gone well.”

Sid shrugs. “I guess we’ll see.” He takes the glove. “I’ll make sure he gets this.”

“Okay. I need get back. Good luck on profile. Don’t stress out too much. They gonna see.”

Sid walks him to the door. “I hope so.”

Geno pauses on the porch long enough to say, “Should go with red shirt picture. Not posed, look more relax, more like you. That who you want them to see, real Sid.”

“Oh. I—,” Sid’s not sure why he suddenly, inexplicably feels like hiding his face. He smiles, instead. “Thanks, G.”

Geno returns the smile. “See you later, Sid.”

It’s only after he’s gone that Sid realizes his entire driveway and front walk have been shoveled clear.

**June**

“The party can start because I have arrived, bitches!”

Flower rolls his eyes, and Sid snorts as they hear Tanger’s voice ring out from the front of the house. Sid grins and pokes his head into the open back doorway long enough to call out, “We’re back here. And you better have brought food.”

Tanger appears in the kitchen doorway, scowling as he lugs a full cooler. “That was _one_ time.”

“It was _your_ house,” Flower calls and opens the grill top to check the burgers. “Who forgets to bring the food they signed up for at their own party?”

Tanger plunks the cooler down in the kitchen and steps out, smacking the back of Flower’s head before grabbing a beer from another cooler.

“Ow! What the hell!”

Sid just laughs and elbows Flower out of the way. “Go on, I got this.”

“I have an obscene amount of potato salad in there,” Tanger starts, gesturing back towards the kitchen. “And Cath made me bring a huge bowl of fruit salad.”

“And where is your beautiful wife? Did she finally get sick of you?”

“Fuck you. The kids have haircuts scheduled. They’ll be here in time for the game.”

Sid grins, listening to them snark back and forth at each other while Flower’s kids play in the sprinkler he set up at the other end of the yard. A moment later, Geno pops out his own back door, followed closely by Varya and heads for the gate separating their yards. Geno is balancing a couple of covered dishes in his arms, so Sid hurries to hold the gate open.

“Hey G, Varya. Glad you guys could make it. You can put those in the kitchen—Tanger, get the door.”

Once they’re back outside, Vero pops up and promptly introduces herself to Varya, who looks tense, while Geno hangs back with the guys. He peers over Sid’s shoulder. “Burgers look good. Why they not ready yet?” He’s grinning though, no heat behind the complaint, and Sid elbows him lightly.

“They’ll be ready when they’re ready.”

“As long as they ready in time for game.”

“Trust me," Tanger says flatly. "Sid won’t let anything keep him from watching the game.”

“It’s game six!” Sid protests. “And like you aren’t just as excited.”

Tanger shrugs and laughs as Sid wings an ice cube at him.

As promised, the food is ready in plenty of time. Gabe shows up just as everyone is starting to load up their plates and presses a kiss to Sid’s temple. “Hey,” Sid smiles up at him. “Did you remember to bring dessert?”

“Yep. Grabbed some pies and cookies from Giant Eagle.”

“That works,” Sid says before dropping a plate in his hands. “Plate up.”

The food is good and the conversation is better as they pile around Sid’s patio table, chattering about the Pens’ chances in the game later.

It’s not until they’re pulling out the desserts that Geno grins ear to ear and pulls a massive strawberry cheesecake from Sid’s fridge. “Oh my god G, is that what I think it is?” Sid drops the bag of buns he’d been holding and moves closer.

“Strawberry cheesecake your favorite, yes?”

“That’s an understatement. God that looks good.”

“I make,” he says, smirking.

Sid is piling it on his plate when Gabe pops up, frowning a little. “I thought you wanted pie.”

Sid freezes for a moment before smiling around his mouthful. "But it's cheesecake."

Geno grins at Sid before glancing at Gabe. “So sorry, I’m not think it be problem. Still lots of room for pies. You bring peach?”

Gabe shakes his head. “Cherry and apple.”

“Sound good,” Is Geno’s reply, even as he’s piling a slice of cheesecake onto his own plate. “I make sure to try.”

It’s not until later, when they’re all piling into the living room for the game that Sid realizes Varya is nowhere to be seen. He nudges Geno who had insisted on taking the entire corner of the sectional. “Where’s Varya?”

Geno shrugs, quickly diverting his eyes to the beer in his hands as he busies himself with peeling the label. “She’s not much fan of hockey. Decide to go meet her friend instead.”

“Not a hockey fan? That’s rough.”

“What’s rough,” Gabe asks as he plops down on Sid’s other side and slides an arm around his shoulders, squishing him close.

Sid wriggles until he’s sitting upright again and shrugs. “Nothing important. Shit, it’s almost time. Flower toss me the remote!”

Flower and Tanger take off with their families as soon as the game ends. Geno hangs back, starting to collect the empty beer bottles while Sid and Gabe pack up the leftover food.

“G, you don’t have to do that. You’re a guest.”

Geno shrugs. “I’m not mind.”

“Actually,” Gabe interrupts, “It’s really okay. We’ve got this. Don’t feel like you have to stay to help clean up.”

Geno straightens up and glances between Gabe and Sid, whose brows are furrowed at Gabe now. He hesitates for a moment before shrugging. “Is no problem. This last bottle anyway.” He sets the last bottle on the counter with the others to be recycled before heading for the back door. “I’m head out now. Thanks for invite, was great party.”

“Don’t you want to take the rest of the cheesecake?”

Geno grins. “Nah. Is your favorite, you keep. Finish off.”

“Well if you insist.” Sid fakes a huff.

Geno laughs. “Goodnight, Sid.” And then he’s gone, without so much as a glance in Gabe’s direction.

\--

Varya answers the door when Sid knocks the next afternoon.

“Oh, hey Varya,” Sid says with a smile that doesn’t feel completely genuine. He can’t put his finger on why talking to her always feels so much more strained than talking to Geno. “I wanted to bring you back your tupperware.”

She pulls the door open just enough to reach out to take it. “Thank you.”

“Yeah of course, no problem. I, ah, wanted to say thanks, too. For coming yesterday and bringing food and the cake.”

She looks at him for a long second before flashing a tense smile, “Zhenya insisted.”

“Oh. Well it was great.”

She nods, and it’s clear to Sid that she considers the conversation over. “Well, I should—”

He’s cut off by the sound of Geno’s voice calling out in rapid Russian.

Sid doesn’t miss Varya’s look of annoyance as she flashes her eyes to the side before curling her lips up tightly again. “Is just neighbor returning dish.”

Geno’s smiling face pops up in the doorway behind Varya and she finally pulls the door open further as she steps aside with another sharp glance at Geno. “Hey, Sid!”

“Hey G. I was just returning your tupperware and wanted to thank you guys. For coming and bringing stuff.”

Geno snickers. “You really just happy we bring cheesecake, yes?”

“Oh shut up. I’m also glad you guys came. Plus, the salad you brought was good, too.”

“Best because I’m make.”

“Oh my god, you’re going to float away if your head gets any bigger.” But Sid is laughing.

“Glad you stop by. Wanted to say hope I’m not upset Gabe by bring dessert. Didn’t mean to step on toes.”

“Oh. Don’t even worry about it. It was fine.”

“You just say because you got favorite cake?”

Sid snorts. “No but that didn’t hurt. Feel free to bring it anytime.”

Geno laughs, loud and boisterous. “Okay Sid. I’m remember that.”

\--

**August**

Sid wakes early to the sound of his doorbell being pushed repeatedly and he squints at the clock. “Fucking _six_?”

Then his brain finally comes online and he kicks the sheets down. But before he can so much as put a foot on the floor, Flower’s voice calls out. “Up and at 'em, Sunshine! It’s your birthday!”

Sid groans, flopping back onto his pillows. “Are you kidding me? Flower what the _fuck_?”

Flower pokes his head in the door, grinning ear to ear. “Oh good. You’re up. We brought presents.”

“We? Who is we? I—” before he can finish the sentence Gabe, Tanger and Geno pile in behind Flower, all of them looking as tired as Sid feels but grinning.

Sid suddenly feels very exposed wearing just his boxer briefs, and he sits up, fishing over the edge of his bed for his sweats. Tanger spots them first, thrown over the foot of the bed and hands them to Sid with a snort. “Thank god you weren’t naked.”

Sid glares, wishing he could hide the heat in his cheeks. “Can I get a few minutes? Damn.”

“Sure but make it quick. We brought breakfast, too.” Flower grins before leading the parade out of Sid’s room, Geno winking at Sid on the way out.

Gabe hangs back, shutting the door quietly behind Geno. “Morning.”

Sid laughs. “I can’t believe you let them do this to me.”

Gabe sits on the edge of the bed and squeezes Sid’s ankle playfully. “You know Marc can’t be stopped when he puts his mind to something.”

Sid shakes his head but he’s smiling. “How worried should I be about what’s waiting for me downstairs?”

Gabe laughs. “Not very. He might be a pest, but he is your best friend. He knows what he can get away with.”

Sid sighs. “I suppose. Ok, I’m going to shower, and I’ll be right down.” He moves to get up, but Gabe sneaks his fingers up over Sid’s calf and towards his thigh. “Gabe…”

Gabe grins. “What? It’s your birthday. We can be fast.” His fingers inch higher.

“Yeah it’s my birthday and there are three other guys waiting right downstairs for me.”

“You let me get to third base in the bathroom at Kris' anniversary party.”

Sid hesitates. It’s tempting but then he thinks of Geno and the others waiting downstairs and pulls his leg away. “That was different.” He gets out of bed and heads to the dresser, fishing around for clean shorts when Gabe wraps around him from behind.

“How was it different?” Gabe’s breath is hot across his ear and Sid has to take a deep breath before pulling away again.

“It just was. Now be good and let me shower.”

Gabe plops back down on the bed with a sigh. “Okay, Crosby, but if I’m too tired for birthday lovin later, don’t complain.”

Sid snorts as he ducks into the bathroom. “Got it.”

It turns out breakfast is two dozen donuts and a gallon of chocolate milk which Sid shakes his head at. “I need some kind of protein,” he says while grabbing a chocolate frosted donut.

Flower rolls his eyes and glances up at Geno who is definitely smirking as he pops open a couple of small tupperware containers on the table. “Knew you would complain, so I make bacon and scramble eggs.”

Sid grins, snatching up a piece of bacon and biting into it before sighing. “You are the best.”

“Already know this. Everybody hurry up and eat. We have plans.”

The plans turn out to be piling into Tanger’s SUV and making the forty-minute trek to Lake Arthur where there is a rental sailboat waiting for them. They spend the day on the lake fishing, occasionally diving in for a swim.

They dock the boat for the final time just before sunset. They’ve gathered their things and are making their way back to the car when Geno reaches out and presses a finger to Sid’s shoulder for a moment.

“Ow! What was that for?”

“Barely touch! You so red.”

“Yeah, well, not all of us can get a perfect tan, buddy,” Sid snarks, careful to keep his eyes straight ahead.

Geno snorts. “Not my fault I’m best at get tan. How you even get that red? You put on sunscreen like five time. Should put on aloe or you hurt worse in morning.”

Sid had been prepared for another snarky comment, so the suggestion comes as a surprise. “That’s actually probably a good idea.”

“Of course is good idea. I’m full of good ideas.”

“I was actually going to suggest the same thing, Sid,” Gabe speeds up a little until he’s walking even with Sid on the opposite side. “You’re pretty burned.”

Sid glances over at Gabe. “Yeah, you’re probably right.” When he looks back over Geno has drifted back to talk to Flower.

Once they reach the car Geno bellows, “Heads up, Sid!” and he barely has two seconds to drop everything in his arms and catch the little bottle Geno throws. He glances down and snickers. “Aloe vera? I thought you didn’t need stuff like this, Mr. Tan.”

Geno shrugs and pulls on his shirt. “Know I’m spend day with two most pale people.”

Flower thumps him on the back of the head as he’s heading to put a bag in the back. “Asshole.”

Sid laughs at them and turns to Gabe, passing the aloe over. “Can you get my shoulders?”

When Sid turns back around Geno has popped out of sight, busy loading stuff at the back of the car.

There’s a brief debate between Flower and Geno over who gets the front seat on the way back—”I’m tallest, have longest legs!” “I’m tall too!”— followed by an intense round of rock, paper, scissors. When they finally pile in, Sid finds himself wedged in the back seat between Gabe and Geno, who throws his arm across the back of the seat still grumbling about leg room.

“Stop pushing on my seat!” Flower complains from the front seat and Sid can’t help the giggle that escapes when Geno insists he can’t possibly help where his knees hit the seat. It takes another ten minutes of their squabbling, Sid snickering the whole time while Geno grins, clearly delighted to be winding Flower up so much, before Flower pulls the seat up as far as it will go. “Oh my _god_ , will you shut up now?”

Geno winks at Sid before letting out a loud sigh. “Ah. Much better.”

Flower calls Geno a lot of names under his breath and then starts shifting around, trying to open the glove compartment. Eventually he manages to extract a plain white envelope and passes it back to Sid. “Happy Birthday Sid. Sorry for your seating arrangements.”

Sid laughs. “It’s fine but what’s this?”

Gabe speaks for the first time since they started the drive home. “Another present, from all of us.”

“Damn. Why are you guys being so nice this year?”

Tanger snorts. “Because next year you’re probably going to have a kid, and things will be a little different. We wanted to make this one big.”

Sid’s throat tightens a little at the thought of being a father. He hopes _so much_ but he tries not to let himself fixate on it or the wait would be insufferable. He swallows hard. “Thanks guys,” he croaks before opening the envelope. Unfolding the piece of paper, he finds a printed receipt for Pens tickets. “Oh. Nice!”

“For opening night, Sid. We all go.” Geno nudges his side and flashes him a soft smile.

“This is great. God, you guys. Thanks.”

“Okay, okay, don’t get all sappy on us,” Flower teases and then curses when Geno plants his knee firmly in the back of the seat.

Tanger drops the three of them off at Sid’s driveway and heads off to take Flower home. Geno waits until Gabe has already headed into the house before he puts his hand on Sid's shoulder and squeezes gently, “Happy Birthday, Sid,” he says quietly. “Make sure you check fridge for last present.” He pats Sid's shoulder and heads off for his own house.

“Wait, another one?”

“Goodnight Sid!” He calls and Sid can hear the smile in his voice.

Sid heads straight for the kitchen, smiling from ear to ear when he sees the little strawberry cheesecake. The post-it note stuck to the shelf simply says, “ _Just for you. Happy Birthday._ ”

**September**

Sid looks around his house, twisting his hands nervously before cursing under his breath and wiping his sweaty palms on his pants. Everything looks good, he thinks it does anyhow. He hasn’t—he hasn’t safety proofed anything yet, but he’s not supposed to do that until he’s approved right? This is just the first home visit by the agency to make sure he qualifies.

Still, he has a mountain of safety proofing items piled on the dining room table to show the caseworker and a list of questions, just like they had suggested. He has a notebook ready to take notes. Everything is as clean as it’s ever been—he even scrubbed the baseboards two nights ago when he couldn’t sleep.

He has a child’s bedroom ready—complete with a crib, twin bed, a dresser and a chair. Maybe it’s a little premature considering he still isn’t even approved, but he has to show them that he can do this, right? His bed is made, the house is ready, and he even bought some mums for the front porch. If it’s cliche to try to make everything look so idyllic, he doesn’t care. He’ll do anything he has to.

The doorbell rings, and Sid’s heart stops.

He sucks in a few deep breaths and dashes to the door, freezing when he finds Geno instead of his caseworker on the other side. “Geno?”

“Hey Sid,” he says cheerfully. “Look really nice today. Big plans?”

Sid shakes his head. “No. Yes. I mean, not like that. I have my first visit for the home study today.”

Geno’s eyes widen a little and his whole demeanor changes. “Oh wow. That big news! Sorry I come at bad time. Here.” He hands over a long envelope. “Mailman put in my box by mistake, just bringing it to you.”

“Thank you.”

Geno hesitates, glancing at the empty street before putting a firm hand on Sid’s shoulder. “Hey, don’t be nervous. You great and they gonna see that. No one better than you for be good Papa. You got this.” He offers up his fist to bump with a smile and Sid returns the gesture.

“Thanks, G”

“I go now. Good luck.”

\--

Sid thinks it goes well. He hopes.

The caseworker was pleasant enough and open about the entire process. She answered his questions and seemed satisfied with his answers and preparations.

He walks her out to the driveway and before she goes, she smiles and shakes his hand. “It’s been a pleasure, Mr. Crosby. You’ve got a beautiful home, and you’ve done a good job of preparing it.”

Sid feels his heart flip in his chest as he smiles and shakes her hand a little wildly. “Thank you. Thank you so much.”

He stuffs his hands in his pockets and watches her drive away with his heart hammering away the whole time. The second her car turns off of his street he gives a little whoop and calls, “Yes!” into the air with a little dance.

“Is mean good news?”

Sid turns to find Geno in his backyard, hand poised on the gate while he waits wide-eyed for Sid’s answer. A warm smile spreads across Sid’s face. “I think so.”

“Fuck yeah!” Geno bounds up between their houses to gather him into a tight hug as they both laugh.

When Sid gets home from his run later that afternoon he finds a container of homemade cookies and a note from Geno.

— _Sid-I know is still long way to go but should still celebrate. So happy for you. -G_

He smiles and glances over at Geno’s house before heading inside.

**October**

Sid’s running behind. His last client meeting ran long and now he’s scrambling. He likes being an accountant and likes even more the ability to work from home since he works for Tanger’s accounting firm. But it makes it hard sometimes to keep work from running into personal time.

He tugs on a tee and gives a frustrated look in the mirror as the doorbell rings. He hasn’t even touched his hair but it’s just going to have to be fluffy because a second later Flower calls for him and Sid grabs his hoodie before running downstairs. He’ll just have to remember to grab a cap.

Flower and Geno are already waiting in Geno’s car when Sid darts across the lawn. Tanger had business downtown, so they’re meeting him at the arena. Geno looks confused as Sid slides into the back seat and pulls the door shut. “Where Gabe? Meet us there?”

Oh. Right. Sid’s been so busy with work he hadn’t realized how long it’s been since he’s really spent any time with the guys. “Oh. Um, actually he’s not coming. We aren’t really together anymore.”

Geno’s eyebrows fly up and he meets Sid’s eyes in the rearview mirror. “Sorry Sid. I’m not know.”

“It’s okay. But we should go now. It’s going to be a madhouse.”

Geno presses his lips together, but he doesn’t mention Gabe again.

Sid was right—it is a madhouse but luckily they get there early enough to park and get to the arena with plenty of time to spare. Tanger meets up with them shortly before the doors open, introducing them to his new neighbor Jason, who he invited to join them in place of Gabe.

Once they’re inside, they split up to save time—Sid and Geno hitting a snack line and the others a beer line with a plan to meet back up at their seats. Once they’re in line, Geno nudges Sid’s arm. “Sorry to hear about breakup. You okay?”

Sid smiles softly, touched at Geno’s concern. “I am.” At the doubtful look on Geno’s face he reiterates it. “I promise, I really am.”

“Okay.”

It’s quiet again for a few seconds before Geno says, “Can tell if I’m be too nosy but what happen?”

Sid shrugs. “It wasn’t any big thing. Just lots of little things. He ended up getting a job offer in D.C., and there is no way I want to go there.”

Geno makes a disgusted face. “Fucking Caps.”

“Yeah, exactly. Besides, I’ve done the long distance thing before and I’m not interested in doing it again. To be honest, our relationship wasn’t really deep enough for that anyhow, you know? It was nice but...” He trails off with another shrug.

Geno nods like he gets it. Maybe he does. “Thanks for asking, G. You don’t have to worry, okay?”

“Worry anyway. You my friend. Never happy to hear bad thing happen but happy you doing okay. If need anything though, even just talk, I’m right next door.”

Sid grins slowly and widens his eyes as he looks up at Geno. “I really feel like cheesecake would help.”

Geno’s groan can’t cover up his laughter and he gives Sid a playful shove. “Worst.”

The game is good, the arena going wild as the Pens dominate and ultimately win the game. Sid’s a little bit tipsy, feeling warm and cheerful after the win. Flower climbs into the back seat leaving the front open for Sid, which he takes happily. Geno snickers over at him as he fumbles the seatbelt. “Good thing I’m not drink after first beer.” He reaches over to help Sid straighten out the belt and click it into place.

“I’m not _that_ bad.”

Geno returns his smile, looking at him for a moment before he squeezes Sid’s arm and turns his attention to starting the car. “No,” he says quietly. “Not that bad.”

**November**

“You’re late, Crosby!” Flower throws Sid a stern look. “You’re never late—what gives?”

“Care to tell him why I’m late, Kristopher?” He glares at Tanger.

Flower pauses his apparent endeavor to stuff as many fried mushrooms into his mouth as possible to look up, face hamster-cheeked and full of amused interest.

Sid stops just inside the door, dropping the heavy cooler on the floor with a loud thunk. He opens the lid, revealing three bags of ice.

Flower snorts, bits of mushroom spraying out of his mouth and onto Tanger’s shirt. Tanger curses and starts wiping at his shirt while Flower struggles to swallow his mouthful before shouting incredulously, “You forgot to get the ice _at your own party_! _Again_!” He looks delighted.

Sid grins, and Tanger glares at them both. “You act like neither of you have ever forgotten anything. Ever.”

Sid shakes his head, laughing as he bends over to grab one of the bags of ice. A split second later the door behind him flies open and then Geno is charging in sounding completely perturbed. “Stupid store _packed_! Next time I’m—”

They never hear what he’ll do next time because he smacks right into Sid—Sid’s ass, to be exact. Geno curses as he lurches forward, grabbing Sid’s hips and pulling to keep them both from tumbling forward.

“Shit, sorry Sid! You okay?” His fingers squeeze a little harder and for a split second Sid is very aware of how Geno is holding him.

“I’m okay.” He turns a little as he says it and Geno pulls his hands back quickly, as though he suddenly realized what he was doing. Sid’s cheeks burn. If Tanger or Flower say a single word—

“Jesus christ on a cracker, G. Pay attention much?” Flower barks, grinning and Sid is grateful for the distraction.

"Not like I'm do on purpose!"

Sid hoists up the ice bag while they squawk at each other.

Tanger snorts. "It's not like he could have avoided Sid’s giant ass blocking the doorway."

Sid straightens up and glares at Tanger.

Tanger shrugs. "I'm not wrong." But he finally has the good sense to shut up. Sid still gives him dirty looks the whole time he's putting the ice on the counter.

"Next time, go get your own ice, asshole."

"He’s not get ice either?" Geno frowns over at Tanger. "I'm late because you call and ask I'm bring soda!"

"You forgot the soda, too?" Flower crows, ecstatic.

"Oh my god, you guys are really never going to let this go, are you?"

Sid rolls his eyes and heads back out to his car, leaving Flower to keep roasting Tanger. He’s not sure why he’s feeling so flustered, but he needs a minute.

It was an accident, it shouldn’t be a big deal, not even a blip on the radar. Flower and Tanger have piled onto him _on purpose_ before when they’re horsing around and that has never left him feeling like this. Sid was just too close to the doorway, Geno hadn’t seen him in time. It’s really that simple.

Except now Sid knows how Geno’s fingers feel gripping his hips. Tight.

Sid feels his face heat up again just thinking about it. He _cannot_ let himself think about it too much, he _definitely_ can’t let Geno know where his thoughts have strayed. He gives his head a shake and pops the hatch, taking a couple of deep breaths as he reaches in for the huge dish of guacamole he made.

"Sure you okay Sid? Not hurt?"

Sid jumps, smacking his head on the open hatch door. “Ow, fuck!”

Geno’s eyes fly open wide and he reaches out to grip Sid’s shoulder. “Shit! I think you know I’m here. Sorry!”

Sid rubs his head as he turns to face Geno. “It’s okay. It’s not your fault, I just wasn’t paying attention.”

Geno reaches up to rub the spot. “Need make sure no cut.”

Sid humors him, standing still while he has a look at the spot on Sid’s head before he finally backs up with another sheepish smile. “Sorry. I’m menace today.”

Sid laughs. “A little, yeah.”

“Forgive me?”

Sid wishes Geno weren’t so charming. “Yeah. Of course.”

It’s not until they’re back inside, heading into Kris’ media room loaded down with snacks and beer that Vero asks politely, “Geno, where’s Varya?”

Geno definitely averts his eyes then, clearly uncomfortable with the topic but he just shrugs. “She have other plans today. Sports not really her thing.”

Vero and Cath exchange quick looks, but no one else mentions it.

It’s nearly midnight when they finally wrap up the night, and Sid yawns as he ambles to the car. Geno nudges him with a grin. “We should have ride together.”

“Hm? Oh, yeah I guess that would have worked.”

“Okay, settled then. Next time you my driver. Is deal.”

“I didn’t—” Sid stops, laughing as he shakes his head before teasing, “What do I get in return? Gas is expensive, you know.”

“Hmm, is good point. Okay, you be driver, and I bring you cheesecake.”

Sid raises an eyebrow, grinning up at Geno. “Okay first, I’m not your _driver_. Second, I will accept the cheesecake.”

Geno laughs again, face all lit up the way it always is when really smiling and Sid wishes he didn’t find him so attractive, so charming, so—

Sid’s thoughts are cut off as he startles at the blare of Flower’s car horn. He sticks his head out the window long enough to gripe at them. “You standing there all night or can we get out sometime this century?”

Sid rolls his eyes but throws up a wave. When he turns Geno is already climbing in his own car but he grins at Sid one more time before he ducks in. “Race you?”

“I am not racing you.”

And he doesn’t but he smiles the whole way home. He pulls into his driveway just in time to see Geno embracing Varya through their open front curtains.

**December**

“Ow! Fuck you, lights!”

Sid looks up from where he’s just started clearing his front steps, eyebrows raised. A moment later, there’s a frustrated string of Russian, and he follows the sound of Geno’s voice to his backyard where he finds him fussing with a half-lit strand of twinkling lights.

“Why the _fuck_ green not work? Make no _sense_!”

Sid can’t help his snicker when Geno continues to mutter at the lights and Geno whips his head up looking annoyed. “Oh, hey Sid.”

“Is, uh, everything okay?” Sid asks with a small smile, trying to hide his amusement.

Geno fusses with one of the tiny bulbs before giving the strand a shake and dropping it into the empty chair next to him with a sigh. “Try to decorate house little bit, you know? Piece of shit lights”— he glares over at them— “decide not work right. Red, blue—work fine. Half of yellow and all of green not work. Doesn’t make sense.” He glances up and gives Sid a flat look. “Stop laugh at me.”

“I’m sorry.” He’s not. “It’s just really funny,” he chortles, laughing a little harder at Geno’s continued glare.

“Hurt me, Sid. See me suffer and _laugh_.”

Sid snorts and finally pushes through the gate, joining Geno on his back deck. “This is not suffering,” he says, picking up the lights and starting to fiddle with them. “I just strung a bunch of these on my porch. You just have to know what you’re doing.”

Geno watches, unimpressed until Sid snaps a spare bulb into place with a resolved, “There. Now plug them back in.”

Geno does and guffaws loudly when green still doesn’t work and now yellow isn’t working at all. “You make it worse!”

“What the fuck is wrong with these?” Sid glares down at them feeling irrationally betrayed.

“Tried tell you.”

They both spend a few more minutes trying before Geno declares them trash, dumping them in the garbage can unceremoniously. He drags a plastic bin over to his chair and pulls out another strand with a dramatic sigh. “So hard, so much work for one person.”

Sid rolls his eyes, but he’s laughing when he says. “Do you want some help, G?”

“Think you never ask.”

“Oh my god. Pass me a strand.”

It’s cold out and the snow keeps falling lightly, the first significant snow of the season, but the time passes quickly as they chatter and work together. The sun is just about to dip below the horizon when they finally hang the last strand and stand back to admire their handywork.

The lights are kind of haphazard looking, strands a little droopy in places and with random colors everywhere. It’s messy and colorful and Sid _loves_ it. It reminds him so strongly of childhood Christmases in Cole Harbour, he finds himself smiling from ear to ear.

“Perfect,” Geno says, smiling widely too. “Now come. You help so I’m feed you dinner.”

“You don’t have to do that.”

“You have other plans?”

“Well no, but—”

“Then come have dinner. As thank you. I order takeout, we watch Pens beat the Habs.”

“Well when you put it like that.” Sid follows Geno inside.

Sid spends the evening eating Korean takeout and barking at the television with Geno.

\--

A few weeks later, Sid’s staring into his closet trying to decide what to wear to Tanger’s Christmas party. The past few years Flower and Vero had hosted, throwing themed dress up parties, but this year they’re still adjusting to life with three kids, one of them only four months old. It’s a relief—Sid had never been that good at it; though Flower likes to say Sid nails the ugly shirt theme year-round. Sid pulls a simple black henley out of the closet and makes a note to himself to chirp Flower tonight. He’ll find a reason.

Work has been busy, and he hasn’t seen much of Geno since the day they hung Christmas lights, but he remembers well the conversation they had at Tanger’s after Thanksgiving and knows Geno will give him endless amounts of crap if he doesn’t at least offer a ride. He drops the gifts into the back of his car before heading over to Geno’s.

The front door opens before Sid is even halfway up the walk and Varya steps out followed closely by Geno. She’s wearing a short, black silky dress and the tallest heels Sid has ever seen. He wonders if Geno failed to warn her what Tanger’s house is like, with all the kids.

He grins and greets them before saying, “You guys want to ride with?”

Geno grins and opens his mouth to respond but Varya beats him to it, a strange expression on her face. “Why would we do that?”

That draws Sid up short but before he can come up with an answer Geno says, “Sid promise to chauffer if I give him cheesecake.”

Sid gives him a flat look. “That’s not at all what happened.”

Geno shrugs with a laugh. “Is how I remember it.”

Varya looks between them as they banter before interjecting, “I think we take own car so we can leave when ready, yes Zhenya?”

The smile quickly fades off of Geno’s face. He cuts his eyes over to Varya, frowning a bit. Sid feels awkward—they’re obviously having some kind of private communication—and takes a step back.

“Maybe next time, eh? I’m going to head out. See you there.”

Geno finally looks back at Sid. He’s not smiling but his gaze softens slightly as he nods. “Okay. We see you there.”

When Sid pulls away he can see them in the rearview mirror, Varya standing rigidly with her arms crossed as Geno says something to her.

Sid kind of wishes he hadn’t gone over there at all.

He pushes it all out of his mind once he’s at Tanger’s, allowing himself to be suckered into carrying Scarlett everywhere and not minding even a little bit. They’re in the middle of an intense dance-off with Alex and Estelle when Sid hears chuckling behind him.

“Nice moves.”

Sid grins over his shoulder, “Like you could do any better.”

Geno holds his hands up in surrender. “No one need to see that.”

Sid laughs and focuses his attention back on the kids. A few minutes later the kids finally let him off the hook to catch his breath and he’s surprised to find Geno still standing nearby. “Go on. Heckle away. I know that’s why you’re standing there.”

Geno snickers. “Well is very tempting but actually just come to apologize for—”

Sid holds up a hand with a shake of his head. “It’s okay, no apology necessary. It wasn’t a big deal.”

Geno’s mouth turns down unhappily. “Maybe wasn’t to you but not okay with me.”

“Is it really worth upsetting your girlfriend to take a stand on though?”

Geno shrugs and walks along beside Sid as he heads to the kitchen for a drink.

“Maybe.”

Sid shakes his head and hands a beer to Geno.

Geno takes a swig before grinning. “What you know about having girlfriend anyway?” He asks, eyebrow raised teasingly.

“Oh shut _up_.” Sid gives him a push and dodges around Geno’s answering swipe, laughing.

He loses track of Geno for a while until he’s trying to find somewhere to perch with his very full plate and hear’s Geno’s voice calling out, “Sid! Looking for seat? Empty chair right here,” and Sid immediately breaks into laughter.

Geno is sitting on an ottoman at the kids table, knees practically up around his ears. He pats the empty, tiny wooden chair next to him and Sid shakes his head. “You’re crazy if you think I can sit in that,” he says, but he puts his plate carefully on the little table and pushes the chair out of the way to sit on the floor.

“Just in time, Alex telling me difference between Zuma and Chase.”

“Uh. Who?”

Geno gives Sid a helpless look and shrugs ever so slightly and Sid has to hold back his laughter.

Geno leans over close enough to say low enough for only Sid to hear, “I’m just smile and agree, hope for best.”

Sid nods, “Wise.”

Sid’s left leg has fallen asleep and his knees are aching by the time the kids drag Geno away, insisting he follow them to their playroom. Tanger snickers watching Sid amble up from the floor before he starts gathering up the abandoned plates. “Better get used to it my friend. Going to be doing a lot more of that soon enough.”

“I hope so.”

Sid helps him clear the kids’ table and bring the dishes to the kitchen. Tanger takes one look at the massive pile up in the sink and groans before backing away. “I’ll deal with those later.”

Sid laughs. “You mean you’re hoping Cath will deal with those later.”

Tanger flashes him an amused look before grabbing a beer. “You coming?”

“I’ll be right there.” He waits until Tanger disappears out of the kitchen before he pulls open the dishwasher and turns on the tap to start rinsing plates. It’s the least he can do for his friends.

He’s a few plates in when he hears Varya’s voice. “Oh. Would you like help?”

Sid glances over at her with a smile and a shrug. “Nah, I’m just loading the dishwasher. Shouldn’t take me too long.”

She considers that for a moment before finally nodding. She sips at her glass of wine and leans back against the counter, closing her eyes and looking more relaxed than he’s seen her all night. “Everything okay?”

She opens her eyes and looks at Sid for another long moment before she lets out a breathy laugh. “Fine. It’s loud out there. I just needed a few moments of quiet.”

“Understood.”

“Zhenya told me there would be children, but I didn’t realize there would be so many.”

Sid smiles wide. “It’s fun, eh?”

She quirks an eyebrow at him. “I”m not sure if fun is the word I would choose.”

“Oh? I guess I can see how it could be overwhelming.”

She nods. “It is. Though,” she says, looking more closely at him. “Maybe not for you.”

Sid shrugs. “I love the kids,” he admits. “I know it can be chaotic, but I love being around them anyway.”

She cocks her head a little. “You and Zhenya are the same in this way. And you both want kids of your own. Since he find out you will try to adopt, he talks about it often.”

Sid has to suck in a quick breath before replying, “What about you?”

She smiles, looking almost resigned as she shakes her head. “Maybe someday I will change my mind but right now…” She trails off with a shrug. “I guess that makes me the odd one here.”

“There’s nothing wrong with that. Not everyone wants kids.”

“This is true. I wonder how many can make it work with someone who does, though?”

Sid’s stomach twists and he whips his head up to look at her. Before he can even begin to formulate a response though, Geno walks in with a sniffling Scarlett in his arms, talking softly to her.

Sid immediately dries his hands. “Oh no, what happened?”

He watches as Geno balances her against him while he uses his other hand to open the freezer door and pull out a bag of frozen peas. He stops crooning at her just long enough to ask, “Can I use hand towel?”

Sid quickly hands it over. Geno settles into a chair with Scarlett, wrapping the bag and settling it against her knee. “Just have little accident,” he says softly while keeping his eyes on Scarlett. “Running little too fast and fall down.” He keeps talking then, but he’s addressing Scarlett now. “Did you know when I’m little kid like you I fall off my bike and knock tooth out?”

She instantly looks up and he smiles a wide, toothy grin at her, pointing to one of his front teeth. “Was this one but was baby tooth so new one grow in after awhile.”

Scarlett sniffles hard. “Did it hurt?”

“Oh yeah.” Geno nods. “It hurt but my Mama pick me up, help me clean it up and give me cuddles. I get back on bike very next day. Then fall over again and scrape knee.” He gives her a goofy smile and shrugs. “Everybody fall down sometime and it’s okay if you need grown-up to make sure you okay and help you feel better.”

Scarlett nods and leans her head on Geno’s shoulder for a moment before holding up her index finger directly in front of his nose, making him go a little cross-eyed to look at it. “I got an owie on my finger too.”

Geno narrows his eyes and makes a show of pulling her hand closer to inspect the finger. “Oh yes, I see. Very serious. How you hurt it?”

“I poked Papa in the eye.”

Geno snorts. “Could happen to anyone.”

“He said a lot of bad words, and Mama yelled at him.”

Sid has to turn away to hide his quiet laughter, eyes catching on Varya as she looks on with her head cocked to the side. Her lips are pushed into a very small smile, but it doesn’t reach her eyes.

“Uncle Geno, I have to go to number two.”

“Okay. Let’s go find your Papa.” Sid snickers at Geno’s expression as he stands and heads for the door with Scarlett in his arms.

Before he reaches it Varya steps forward. “Zhenya.”

Geno stops and looks at her, waiting.

“I’m tired. Ready to go home after you find him.”

Geno presses his lips together but doesn’t respond. Instead he fishes the keys out of his pocket and hands them over to her. “I get ride.”

There’s a tense moment again, silently looking at each other. Scarlett squirms and Geno turns back to her, already starting to talk to her as they leave the room.

Varya looks at Sid. “Tell him I’ll leave back door unlocked, yes?”

“Yeah sure.”

“Thank you.” She heads for the back door.

“Goodnight, Varya.”

She stops and flashes him a tight smile. “Goodnight, Sidney.”

\--

By the time Sid has finished the dishes and re-joins the party. Scarlett is giggling with the other kids like nothing ever happened. He watches the kids pestering their parents to open gifts for a couple of minutes before he feels a nudge against his arm. He turns to find Geno holding out a plate to him with a wide grin on his face.

Looking down he realizes it’s two slices of strawberry cheesecake. “I bring but worry you not get some before it’s all gone. So I rescue slices for you.”

Sid feels the smile growing across his face. “Rescued, huh?” he asks but takes the plate gratefully. “Thanks.”

They both turn to watch as the kids start tearing into the gifts, having finally won their battle. Sid takes a couple of bites before gently elbowing Geno’s arm. “That was pretty impressive earlier.”

Geno shrugs. “Of course. All kids love me. I’m best.”

“Oh geez.” Sid shakes his head with a laugh. He watches Estelle bang on a new toy drum and Alex break into delighted giggles as he opens a toy hockey set. Everything inside him feels warm watching them, and he usually tries not to let himself think about what it might be like for him but he can’t help it in moments like these.

After a moment Geno says quietly, “Next year be one more in the group.”

Sid looks at Geno, eyebrows raised and Geno gives him a funny look. “You, Sid. Gonna be your baby there too.”

Sid sucks in a breath and looks back at his plate. “I hope so,” is all he manages. _God_ does he hope.

“Hey,” Geno nudges him gently. “I know it's so hard waiting, can’t imagine how that feels for you, but I believe it going to happen Sid.”

Sid takes another deep breath and looks at Geno gratefully. “Thanks G. I—thank you.”

Geno holds his gaze for just a moment before nodding and they both go back to their desserts.

Sid takes another bite before asking quietly, “What about you? Do you think someday you might have a kid?”

Geno smiles, one of those sweet, wonderful smiles that makes his whole face light up. “Want to, always want to have a family. Guess will have to wait and see what future holds.”

“Yeah, I guess so.”

Their conversation is interrupted by Flower swooping up next to Sid and thrusting his arm up. Sid has half a moment to see the sprig of mistletoe in his fingers before Flower is planting a ridiculously wet kiss on his cheek before he frolics on to his next victim, leaving Sid wiping at his cheek with his sleeve. “Ugh, what the _hell_.”

“He’s worst,” Geno replies but he’s definitely laughing at Sid.

“I hate all of you,” Sid says flatly, not meaning a word of it.

“Lies,” Geno replies. “You love.”

Sid sucks in a breath and goes back to scrubbing his cheek.

When the party winds down, there’s not even a question who will drive Geno home. He climbs into Sid’s car and immediately starts messing with the radio like he owns it. It’s not a long drive and they spend most of it talking about the Pens’ last few games. Geno grows quiet, though, when Sid turns onto their street and hesitates when they finally pull into the driveway. Sid watches him suck in a deep breath and look from his house to his hands and then back up again, gazing straight ahead.

“Is everything okay?” Sid asks, quietly.

Geno sighs. “Yeah. Sorry. It’s—I don’t know. I mean, probably no secret, things not going so well with Varya.”

“I’m really sorry, G. That sucks.”

Geno shrugs.

“Is it—is there anything I can do?”

Geno finally glances at him then with the barest hint of a smile.”Thank you for offer but I don’t think so. I think we just not right for each other, happens sometimes, you know?”

Sid nods because that is one thing he definitely understands.

Geno puts his hand on the door handle, hesitating again. “Thanks for ride home and,” he pauses. “For be good friend. Means a lot.”

“Of course. You know you can always come over if you need to talk or need a break or something. I know Flower and Tanger would say the same thing.”

“I know. Thanks Sid.” This time his smile seems a little more genuine before he finally gets out of the car.

Sid doesn’t see him again until three days later, on Christmas Eve. It’s early afternoon and Sid is struggling to giftwrap a soccer ball for Estelle when he hears the knock at the door. He smiles when he opens the door to find Geno on the other side. “Hey G, what’s—” He stops short, spotting the huge moving truck in Geno’s driveway. “Whoa.” It tumbles out of his mouth before he can think and he cringes inwardly.

Geno glances over his shoulder and looks back at Sid with a resolved shrug. “Varya is move out today.”

Sid steps back, letting Geno step in and pushing the door closed behind them. “Shit. I’m sorry.”

“Long time coming.”

“Are you okay?”

“Think so. But think maybe I get out of house while she moving things out, so I bring you Christmas present.”

Sid finally looks closer at the red gift bag in Geno’s hands. “You didn’t have to get me a Christmas present.”

“You neighbor and friend. Of course I’m get.” He holds it out for Sid to take. “Here. Open.”

Sid can’t quite bite back his smile as he takes it. “Okay but…” he trails off and wanders over to his coffee table and pokes around under the strewn about wrapping paper until he finds what he’s looking for, pulling the rectangular package out with a triumphant grin. “Here.”

Geno grins. “Get me present? Hope was expensive.”

“Oh my god, shut up. Sit down and open it.”

Geno does and his smile only gets brighter when he opens up the books Sid bought him—one a comprehensive history of Pittsburgh and the other chronicling the last two decades of Pittsburgh sports. “Thanks! Love them, can’t wait to read.”

“I’m glad you like them.”

“Now you. Come on,” he whines and Sid laughs.

He pulls off the top layer of tissue to find an insulated Pens mug. “Hey, thanks. I’ve been needing one of these!”

“I know. Was there when you drive off and yours fly off roof of your car.”

Sid gives him a flat look. “And you’re not going to let me forget it, are you?”

“No,” he replies, cheerfully. “Keep open. There’s more.”

Sid rolls his eyes but he’s still smiling as he pulls the next layer of tissue paper out and pulls out what looks like a children’s book and something made with black fabric and a Pens logo tied to the book with a ribbon. He furrows his brow and glances at Geno who is still smiling, albeit looking very impatient.

Sid pulls the ribbon and shakes out the fabric. It’s a baby blanket.

He sucks in a breath and looks up again. “G…”

“Both for baby. Book even about Penguins, think you should definitely have for baby.”

Sid is rarely speechless but he finds he is now as his heart clenches in his chest.

“Going to happen, Sid,” Geno says firmly.

Sid swallows hard a few times before he finally looks up again with a wobbly smile. “Thank you. I—just thank you.”

Geno nods, smiling softly back.

He stays for the rest of the day.

He’s hesitant at first, when Sid invites him to hang out, worried that he’s interrupting important Christmas Eve plans. Sid just smiles and gestures around the room. “You’re looking at my plans. There’s a Pens game later and I have to figure out how to wrap this ball.”

Geno pauses for another moment before asking, “Why you not just get gift bag?”

“I’ve been asking myself that same question all morning.”

Geno snickers but settles back in the chair. “Okay. You wrap, I’m order us lunch. Deal?”

“You—”

Geno cuts him off. “Know I’m not have to. Want to. Appreciate you invite me for day.”

“Okay. But this time you’re not ordering for me.”

Geno rolls his eyes. “Most picky,” he complains. But he’s still smiling.

\--

New Year’s Eve is a big deal for Geno, and this year he invites them all to his house. Sid heads over early to help Geno get ready for the evening. He ignores the instructions to bring nothing and, instead, brings a couple of cakes he got at the grocery store.

Geno rolls his eyes as he steps back to let Sid in. “Most stubborn.”

Sid grins. “Like you didn’t already know that. Where should I put them?”

Geno nods towards his kitchen and leads the way. The smells wafting through the air are delectable and Sid’s stomach growls.

“You hungry?” Geno asks as Sid sets the cakes on the counter.

“I can wait.”

Geno looks at him for a moment before tapping one of the bar stools at the island. “Sit.”

“I came to help,” Sid tries to protest, watching as Geno opens the fridge and pulls out a huge bowl covered with foil.

“Sit,” Geno repeats before gesturing towards several disposable aluminum pans on the counter that are presumably filled with food. “Restaurant take care of most food. Just have few things to do so you eat and we talk.”

He plops a bowl of Olivier salad in front of Sid. “This I make myself. Extra big batch so I don’t run out this time,” he says, teasing.

Sid shoots him a quick glare but there’s no heat behind it and sits, pulling the bowl to him. “You act like I ate the entire serving bowl,” Sid complains, thinking of the first time he’d tried this at one of their cook-outs.

Geno smirks. “Almost. Rest of us get one or two bite.”

“You’re full of shit,” Sid gripes around a mouthful of potato and carrot, and Geno can’t hold his laughter back.

Geno pours them each a glass of water and resumes his puttering around the kitchen, setting things out for the massive spread and chatting with Sid all the while. The first guests start showing up forty-five minutes later. Sid finds himself being introduced to a couple of Geno’s Russian friends and their kids and he stumbles through greeting them in Russian the way Geno taught him.

When they wander off he looks at Geno for reassurance that he said it right only to find Geno staring at him with a soft smile. “What? Did I—” He feels his cheeks heat. “Did I butcher it?”

Geno gives a shake of his head. “Say perfect.”

“Oh,” He grows a little warmer and looks away. “Well good.”

An hour later, Tanger and Flower have arrived with their families along with several more Russians and the party is in full swing. Every time Sid looks at Geno he’s smiling, totally in his element and clearly happy to be showcasing the culture around his most important holiday.

There is food—so much food—and Geno delights in telling Sid about every dish and just how much better his Mama makes each of them. Throughout the night. he constantly pops up pushing small plates into Sid’s hands with an explanation of what’s on it followed by a plea to try it. Sid always does and every time Geno beams at him.

When he’s not putting food into Sid’s hands, it’s glasses of champagne or bottles of water with stern warnings to pace himself.

Grandfather Frost and Snegurochka—a snow maiden, Geno informs them—makes a very brief appearance, hastily leaving presents behind and making a quick exit when half the kids wail at the sight of them. It doesn’t seem to bother Geno at all, and he laughs as he hustles the duo out the front door.

Just before midnight, Geno tracks him down. His smile is huge and bright as he gestures towards the back door. “Time for fireworks!”

Sid happily lets himself be guided out and take the sparkler that Geno drops into his hand. When it’s burned out he reaches for another but Geno pushes a glass of champagne at him instead. “Almost midnight!”

Then the countdown is starting and Sid’s cheeks burn when Geno turns to him with that wide smile and holds out his glass for a toast. “Happy New Year, Sid.”

“Happy New Year, G.”

They drink and then Geno grabs a clementine, peeling it quickly before passing some of the segments to Sid. “Tradition. Always eat on New Year’s Eve.”

Sid can’t argue with tradition. He pops them in his mouth, savoring the sweetness and trying not to thinking about the goofy way he’s smiling at Geno.

All around them people are toasting, kissing and cheering to welcome in the new year. There’s a tap on his shoulder, and Sid has to grin when he turns and finds Tanger, arms out for a sloppy hug. Once he’s wished Sid a “happy new year, man” and slurred something sentimental about how everything is “just so great,” he wanders off, in search of his next victim.

Sid jumps a little when he suddenly hears Geno’s soft voice near his ear, much closer than he would have expected. “Next year, your kid get to meet Grandfather Frost too. I’m teach them why Russian New Year is better than boring old Canada one.”

Sid sucks in a breath and his face burns a little hotter. He’s not drunk but he’s certainly feeling a little more bubbly than he normally would. He manages a slow smile and rolls his eyes. “Okay.”

Geno looks delighted. “You drunk!”

“I am not,” Sid scoffs, unable to keep the laughter out of his voice. He turns to look up at Geno, struck by how _happy_ he looks and it’s almost too much.

Before he can follow that line of thought, Flower bumps heavily into Sid’s other side, planting a wet, sloppy kiss on Sid’s cheek just like he had at the Christmas party. “Happy New Year!”

“Ugh,” Sid pulls his sleeve over his hand to wipe away the slobber left behind. “Why?”

Flower looks outraged. “If I wasn’t married, I’d be a total catch you know!”

Flower sets off again and Sid stands quietly, not really sure why he suddenly feels so awkward. He’s just about to try to force himself to say something— _anything_ , really—when Geno starts snickering beside him.

“What?” Sid side-eyes him.

“Your first kiss of New Year is Flower.”

Sid sighs heavily. “Oh my god.”

Geno throws his elbow around Sid’s neck, still laughing as he guides him to the door. “Come. Time for next course.”

After the fireworks, all the sleeping children and the few stragglers who are still awake are gathered up by parents and taken home. Vero and Cath head out with their kids, leaving Tanger and Flower behind to continue the festivities.

If Sid thought Geno was exaggerating about there being another course, he couldn’t have been more wrong. New dishes like roast duck and pork, vatrushka and potatoes are added to the spread. Everything else seems to be constantly replenished as the night wears on but the amount of food is nothing compared to the alcohol. There’s a seemingly endless supply of vodka, champagne and beer.

Sid tries to pace himself, but his tolerance isn’t what it used to be. He belatedly realizes that he’s moved well past pleasantly buzzed when he finds himself laughing with Geno to the point of tears as they watch Tanger repeatedly try and fail to open the footrest on one of the big, squashy arm chairs until he falls face first onto the floor. It’s only then that Geno collapses sideways against Sid on the couch, laughing so hard he can barely breathe as he says, “That chair not even have footrest!”

He turns down the champagne bottle that Flower has been drinking directly out of, bypassing glasses altogether now. “No way,” he shakes his head, but he’s laughing at Flower’s clumsy attempt to bring it back to his mouth.

“Yes, no way,” Geno fumbles the words out as he ruffles Sid’s hair. “You too drunk already,” he teases, grinning playfully.

“Oh please,” Sid protests cheerfully, but maybe Geno is right because the longer they sit there cracking up, the more sluggish and slow he feels. At some point, he closes his eyes for what he thinks is just a moment only to open them to Geno jostling his arm and mumbling about the couch being too small.

He loses track of everything else after that.

The next thing Sid is aware of is bright light shining on his face.

He scrunches his forehead and tries to tuck his face lower against the soft skin pillowing his face until his eyes are covered. It’s a relief and he relaxes again, letting the pleasant warmth envelop him as he starts to drift back off.

He probably would have slipped completely back into deep sleep if it weren’t for the deep groan vibrating through the body he was smashed against. “Who open blinds?”

Sid’s eyes fly open as he hears Tanger’s reply. “Me. Rise and shine assholes.”

Sid tries to move only to find himself fairly firmly wedged against the body behind him. There’s movement though and an inexplicable grumble from somewhere near his ankles. Something wet slides across his calf, and he forces open an eye, groaning himself at the sudden onslaught of sunlight.

He finds Flower with his face mashed into Sid’s leg, drooling as he scrunches up his forehead in displeasure. He stares in confusion for just a moment before he feels the squeeze of fingers on his hip and then the sudden movement of Geno trying to pull his arm out from under Sid’s face. “Ow,” he rasps before finally grasping the gravity of the situation and scrambling to a sitting position.

Geno is next to him cursing softly as he tries to sit up, and Flower rolls away with a pained cry, holding his hands over his eye. “You _kicked_ me!”

Sid feels a twist in his gut and takes stock of his situation. His pants are nowhere to be seen but he’s wearing basketball shorts that he’s never seen before and suddenly remembers complaining about being hot as he and Flower stumbled towards the bed. He remembers shucking his pants and nearly falling over when Geno tossed a pair of basketball shorts his way.

Geno.

Sid turns to look at him, cheeks blazing, hoping like hell he hasn’t freaked Geno out but there he is, still in last nights jean, shirtless and looking just as sheepish and shitty as Sid feels. Sid manages a soft huff of a laugh. “Oh god.”

Geno nods and Flower makes a pitiful sound.

“Oh my god. Every one of you is an embarrassment.”

Sid looks up to find Tanger by the window looking equal parts amused and wholly unimpressed.

Sid rubs his eyes. “How are you so awake?”

“Because I don’t pass out after like five drinks.”

Sid wants to protest that it was more than five, and it’s been a long time since he drank that much, but before he can get a word out Geno blurts, “You fell out of chair on face!”

“Yet here I am wide awake, and there all of you are in a pathetic pile.” But he’s grinning as he continues. “Come on. I got coffee and food started.”

That gets them moving.

Fifteen minutes later Sid is sitting at Geno’s breakfast bar sipping coffee in between shoving bites of leftover Olivier salad in his mouth. He’s not even going to complain that Tanger’s version of having food started is leftovers.

They devour their food, chug water, and go through a pot of coffee before they’re able to laugh about the absolute ridiculousness of the night before.

“Never again,” Sid starts before Tanger slaps him on the back with a laugh.

“Nah, you needed that. It’s been years since we got you that loose.”

Flower snickers until Sid kicks him in the shin. “Ow!” He yelps. “ _Stop kicking me_!”

Sid ignores Flower, turning to Tanger as he shakes his head. “Maybe but I can’t do that again.”

Tanger frowns. “You barely drank. It’s just been a long time, that’s all. It’s not like you were with strangers or had to drive. It’s not a big deal.”

Sid bites his lip, frowning because somewhere around the time he finished his first mug of coffee, he realized the mistake he could have made.

Geno nudges him gently with his elbow, looking worried. “Okay, Sid?”

Sid sighs heavily. “I just—what if they had called last night?” The thought makes him feel a little sick.

Understanding dawns on Geno’s face and Flower actually manages to look a little empathetic. “They didn’t and that’s what matters,” Flower says.

“But they could have.”

“If they call,” Geno starts, “Then we take care of you, sober you up and you still go as soon as you ready. We make sure you get there.”

The thought only makes Sid feel marginally better. “Maybe but...I can’t do that again. It’s too—I just can’t.”

To his surprise they all nod and it’s Tanger who says, “We get it. And this was just because of the holiday. No more blowouts. It’s not like we can handle it anymore anyway. Well, you three can’t anyhow.” He turns his gaze on Geno. “Seriously G, I’m ashamed. I thought Russians were supposed to be able to hold their booze.”

Geno glares. “I’m not drink like that for years.”

Flower presses gently under his own eye. “You aren’t kidding. I haven’t since before the kids were born. Ow!” He groans when his fingers finally find the sore spot. “Vero’s going to kill me if I have a black eye. We have family pictures in two days.”

Tanger just shakes his head as he refills his coffee cup.

Sid is dressed in his own pants again and helping clean up the kitchen when he gets the call. He squints at the number on the screen a little and manages to quickly say, “It’s the agency,” as he scrambles to answer the call.

There’s a baby girl— well, a young mother in Indianapolis due in ten days. And it’s not any kind of guarantee but she has tentatively picked Sid’s profile.

His friends are all staring at him wide-eyed as he finishes the call and clutches his phone tight. He takes a few breaths and relays the information to them. Their cheers are deafening.

He finds himself pulled into the middle of a tight huddle with all of them, and he knows he needs to be careful, should definitely temper his excitement because nothing is official until she decides to sign paperwork after the baby is born but…

He closes his eyes, letting himself _hope_ for just a moment. and there are tears on his cheeks when they finally let him loose

They have a lot of questions, most of which he has no answers for. “I told you everything they told me,” he says, voice shaky as Geno puts a mug of tea in front of him.

“You have everything you need?”

Sid blinks at him. “No.”

“No?” Geno looks like he has no idea what to do with that response.

Sid shakes his head slowly, feeling like he’s processing at half speed. “I have a crib and rocking chair and—and the stuff you got me. But I was waiting to get the other stuff.”

Flower nods, looking resolved. “Then let’s go buy your baby some stuff.”

“No.” Sid shakes his head again.

“No?” Geno repeats it.

“Why not?” Flower asks, looking confused.

“What if I get all the wrong stuff? What if I get all girl stuff and then it’s a boy. Or what if I get the wrong sizes? Or what if she’s allergic to what I buy or—”

“Okay no clothes yet. That’s fine. Kris and I have tons of stuff at home you can use. Maybe just go get a couple of necessities for now—a car seat and some bottles?”

Sid feels his breathing pick up, anxiety twisting deep inside his chest. “I—I can’t. It’s not—nothing is official. It’s not a guarantee. If I buy her things, and then she doesn’t—I mean…” He trails off, the thought too terrible to put into words.

“Okay,” Tanger says. “Then we’ll wait.”

Sid nods, feeling relieved for the moment.

So he waits.

Two days later, he finally gets the nerve to step into the nursery, still only set up with the basic furniture he’d gotten before the home visit. The blanket Geno got for him is laying folded on top of the empty dresser and the book is on an otherwise empty shelf.

 _Fuck_.

Panic hits, and he’s out the door in less than five minutes.

Fifteen minutes later, he’s at Flower’s door, trying hard not to hyperventilate as he rings the bell. Vero’s eyebrows shoot up when she pulls the door open. “Sid! Hi. Are you, um. Is everything okay?”

Sid can only imagine how he looks. It doesn’t matter.

“Is Marc here?”

“Yes.” She turns and yells for him before turning back to Sid. “Do you want something to drink?”

Sid shakes his head. “No, I can’t stay. I just need—” He stops abruptly when Flower pops up and greets him before giving Vero a questioning look. She shrugs, eyes wide and heads off in the direction of their children’s voices. Sid wonders if they know how obvious they are.

“Sid?”

“I don’t have anything.”

“Uh. What?”

“Marc, I don’t have _anything_. I might be—I mean a baby and I don’t have—” He stops again, squeezing his hands together nervously.

Realization dawns on Flower’s face. “Okay. Let’s go now.”

“Really? Are you sure? I mean Vero and the kids—”

Flower smiles. “It’ll be okay. We’ve got your back.”

“Thank you, I just—thank you.”

He’s still afraid to get too much, but he feels a lot more settled two hours later when he gets home with a carful of necessities. In the end, he got an infant carseat and stroller, a swing and a vibrating bouncy seat. He still avoided most clothes-opting instead for blankets, bottles, bibs and pacifiers, but Flower did talk him into buying a handful of simple undershirts, sleepers and socks so he’d at least be able to dress the baby if—well.

He tries not to think too much about it.

It takes him a couple of days to wash all the clothes and coverings and assemble all the contraptions. He feels accomplished and a lot less stressed.

He’s not sure how he ends up wandering the baby clothes section at Target two days later. He’d gone in for shampoo and toilet paper but now he’s staring at a rack of tiny clothes. He keeps staring until he realizes he either needs to do something or leave before someone starts thinking he's a creep. With a deep breath, he starts poking through them.

The first tiny outfit he looks at is fleece and covered with orange flowers. He scrunches his nose a bit and puts it back on the rack. He pulls down another outfit, a tiny one piece sleeper in the palest lavender—so pale it could almost be gray. There are little white penguins printed all over it and it comes with a tiny matching hat. He runs the material through his fingers, smiling at how it feels—soft and smooth, not too fluffy or thick. It will be warm but not too warm, and the tag says it’s chemical free. Sid didn’t even know that was something he needed to worry about.

He puts the set in his cart and keeps looking.

Five more sleepers in an array of colors go into the cart before he moves to the tiny dresses and he knows he’s not even remotely knowledgeable about baby fashion but the heart and rainbow and tiny zoo animal prints all make him smile as he drops them into the cart, following them up with tiny leggings because she needs to be warm enough, right?

He recoils at the tiny camouflage outfit he sees and wrinkles his nose when the next one is pink camouflage which is even _worse_ so he moves to a new rack.

It’s a bit of a shock when he looks at his cart and finds eleven tiny outfits, and something like panic starts to twist deep inside of him again. This is too much, this is—he should wait. So he starts putting all the tiny clothes back onto their racks, but he stops when he reaches the first one, the tiny penguin sleeper. He runs his fingers over it again and smiles and thinks that maybe it’s okay if he just gets this one. He puts it back in the cart and forces himself to head to the cash registers before he can change his mind.

\--

The next couple of days stretch out, and he does his best to keep busy, keep his _mind_ busy. On Friday the Pens are playing the Avalanche, but he’s too antsy to sit at home and watch it alone. Victoria has a cold, and Tanger has to stay home with her. Flower and Vero have plans, but Geno seems happy to accept the invitation. An hour before game time, he shows up at the door with takeout and beer and Sid feels some of his tension start to drain away.

It’s a close game, scoreless for the first two periods but full of penalties and the kind of wild plays that make Sid cheer in disbelief. Halfway through the third, Guentzel finally scores on a breakaway only for Mackinnon to tie it up with less than two minutes left in the game. As hard as they try, neither team scores before the buzzer and the game goes to OT. Sid is barking at the TV about a missed slashing call when Tanev steals the puck from Namestnikov and ten seconds later the puck is in the back of the net. The Pens win 2-1.

Sid is smiling from ear to ear as he and Geno chatter about the game while they clean up. Sid has just put the dirty plates in the sink when his phone rings. He’s mid-laugh when he glances at it, and suddenly stands up straight.

“Sid?”

“It’s the agency.” Sid’s eyes are wide.

“Answer!”

Right. Sid fumbles the phone before he manages to answer it with a breathy, “Hello?”

“Sidney? This is Cassandra.”

“Yes, it’s me. Hi. What’s um—is everything okay?”

“I have some news.”

Sid swallows hard, heart sinking as he listens to her say the baby was born, a healthy girl but her mother decided not to place her for adoption after all. This happens a lot, she reminds him and he tells her he understands. After all, they’d discussed this possibility quite a bit. He thanks her for letting him know what happened, for all her hard work and then he hangs up the phone, clutching it to his chest just like he did when he got the first call a week ago.

“Sid?” Geno’s voice is soft and his touch on Sid’s arm is gentle.

Sid still jumps a little before he looks up, forcing a small smile. “She, um, she’s not placing the baby. So.” He turns away and moves back to the sink, staring down at the dirty plates.

Geno follows him, leans against the counter and touches Sid’s arm again. “Are you okay?”

Sid lets out a breathy laugh and it sounds fake even to his own ears. He blinks up at Geno, trying to clear his own eyes. “Yeah. I—yeah. I mean, of course. She’s staying with her birth mom. That’s a good thing, right?”

Geno looks at him carefully before finally saying, “I’m so sorry, Sid. Maybe good for her but hurt for you.”

Sid drops his eyes, shrugging. He wants to say something but his throat feels too tight.

“You want I call guys?” Geno asks gently.

Sid shakes his head. “No. I—not tonight. It’s okay.”

There’s another pause before Geno says even more quietly. “You need I leave?”

Sid’s not sure why but suddenly he can’t stand the thought of being alone. He shakes his head. “No, I—” His voice starts to waver dangerously. “I mean, if you need...It’s okay if you need to go.”

“Oh Sid,” and then there are arms wrapping around him, pulling him close and he’s not sure he can handle it. “Not want leave you alone right now. Okay I stay?”

“Yes,” Sid’s voice breaks. He suddenly thinks of the tiny purple outfit, and then he can’t talk at all anymore.

Geno just holds him tight.

**February 14**

Sid looks at the clock and nods to himself. It’s time to go—he doesn’t want to be late.

Outside he walks with purpose across Geno’s lawn and rings the bell. Geno answers wearing a determined expression, even if he does look a little nervous.

“Ready?” Sid asks.

Geno nods and grabs his jacket before pulling the door shut behind him and heading for Sid’s car.

They make small talk on the short drive but it’s not until they’re parked that Sid finally turns to him and says, “You sure you’re ready for this?” He bites back his smile at the resolute look on Geno’s face.

“Born ready.”

Sid can’t help laughing just a little bit at that.

They climb out of the car and head for the door. They can already hear a cacophony of voices from outside. Sid can only imagine what it will be like inside. He rings the bell.

Tanger opens the door looking slick and handsome in that way he always seems to be able to manage, his dress pants and button up a sharp contrast to Sid and Geno’s sweatpants and hoodies. He smiles widely at them before calling out behind him. “Kids! Sid and Geno are here!”

Inside, Sid greets Vero with a kiss to the cheek before gently taking James from her arms. Tanger scoops up Victoria and blows a raspberry on her cheek before passing her to Geno. Cath makes them promise to call if they need anything. Flower just snickers and says “Good luck.” And then they’re alone with five kids for the evening.

“We need plan,” Geno says, staring as Alex and Estelle run around the Letang’s rec room pretending to be mosquitos. “Hey, no bite! Just pretend, Alex!”

Alex pulls back from where he looked dangerously close to nipping at Scarlett’s shoulder. “Okay.”

Geno looks over at Sid with a flat look. “No kid play mosquito on their own. Tanger teach them this on purpose.”

Sid glances at Alex who is making buzzing sounds as he pretends to fly again and nods his agreement. “Probably.”

They decide divide and conquer is the best plan. Sid fields James, Victoria and Scarlett while Geno takes Alex and Estelle to the kitchen, letting them help as he pulls together dinner for them.

When it’s ready, they bring all the kids to the table, buckling Victoria and James each into high chairs. James starts fussing almost immediately but when Sid reaches for him Geno scoops him out first. “Finish eat. I got him,” he says, smiling at James.

“Thanks,” Sid goes back to alternating his own bites with making sure Victoria has enough on her tray.

When there is officially more food hitting the floor than mouths, they decide dinner is done and set to work cleaning up the kids.

“Is like try to clean baby octopus,” Geno complains as Victoria squirms in his arms, smearing applesauce all over his hoodie before he can clean it from her hands. Sid’s no better off, streaks of James’ green bean puree all over his left sleeve and, oddly, right pant leg. Eventually, they manage and even get the kitchen semi cleaned up before herding the kids all back into the playroom where Geno starts giving airplane rides while Sid drags out a basket of blocks. They spend the next hour playing with the kids and Sid can’t remember the last time he laughed so much.

James is the first to get fussy, rubbing at his eyes with chubby little fists and Geno scoops him up, voice rumbling softly as he soothes him quietly in Russian. He changes James’ diaper like an old pro and offers him a bottle before walking him around the room until James is asleep on his shoulder. Sid watches, trying to ignore the twist inside his chest and grateful when Victoria tugs on his hand so he can look away.

Once Geno settles James in the little playpen set up in the playroom, they set to work getting the rest of the kids ready for bed. What follows is nearly an hour of brushing teeth, pottying, diapering, wrangling the kids into pajamas, and reading books until finally they’re all asleep. Sid steps out of Victoria’s nursery and runs into Geno slipping out of Alex’s room, both kids asleep in their beds while Scarlett and Estelle are tucked in together on the bottom bunk below Alex.

Geno looks as weary as Sid feels but he grins, feeling more than a little accomplished as they bump fists victoriously. They make it all of ten steps when they hear a tiny voice behind them. “Uncle Geno?”

Geno casts a disbelieving look at Sid and says quietly, “How? She just asleep two minute ago.”

Sid snickers as they both turn around.

Geno crosses the distance to scoop up Scarlett. “I thought you sleeping, sweet girl. What happen?”

He’s just nestled her against his chest when she says with a yawn, “I pottied on the bed.”

Geno’s head pops up and he looks down at his shirt and then back up at Scarlett in disbelief. Sid snickers at the look on his face and heads for the bedroom. “I’ll get Estelle moved if she’s not wet.”

Geno sighs on a nod. “Okay little one. Let’s go clean up.”

Estelle was, mercifully, far enough away from the accident so Sid carefully manages to move her to the couch in the playroom, turning the lights low and tucking her in before going back to strip the bed and clean it up.

When he gets back to the playroom he finds Geno with Scarlett sprawled out against his chest, head heavy on his shoulder as he tugs up a blanket around her shoulders and sings quietly to her in Russian. Something like longing clenches painfully in Sid’s chest and he has to look away. A moment later, James starts to whimper and Sid lifts him out of the playpen, grateful for the distraction.

In the end, Victoria is the only one who stays in her actual bed, Alex wandering out with his lower lip wobbling not long after Scarlett’s accident.

Sid thinks it’s lucky that the sectional sofa is so huge because he and Geno are nestled with Scarlett and James in the middle, feet up on the huge ottoman while Alex and Estelle are stretched out on either side of them, finally sleeping peacefully.

Sid’s too afraid to move James when he’s finally asleep again but he grins when Geno wiggles his hand out just enough to bump fists with Sid. “We good team.”

The next thing he’s aware of is James being lifted out of his arms and he startles awake, panicking for a split second until he sees that it’s just Vero who winks at him with a soft smile. He blinks at her for a moment and then relaxes, stretching a little. His neck is sore and he realizes he’d been sleeping with his head tipped over on Geno’s shoulder. Geno is still snoring softly next to him as Flower takes Scarlett.

It takes a couple of minutes to rouse Geno and even then he seems to be half sleeping as he trudges to the car next to Sid. He’s mostly quiet on the drive home but once they’re home he smiles, eyes opening just a little more brightly as he holds out his fist for one more bump. “We survive.”

Sid laughs. “We did. And so did the kids.”

Geno lifts his chin smugly. “We best.”

On his way to bed, Sid pauses outside the nursery, pushing the door open and switching on the little lamp on the dresser. Geno had tucked all the newly assembled baby equipment in here that night, and Sid had mostly been avoiding it.

Now, after a night spent babysitting, even through the exhaustion he feels the bone-deep yearning to have those kinds of nights with a child of his own, maybe even a family of his own with someone like—

He gives his head a shake and snaps the lamp off again before backing out of the room. Pulling the door firmly shut, he heads to his own room, desperate to get away from his thoughts.

**May**

“Hey batter, batter, SA-WING BATTER!”

Sid elbows Tanger. “Do you have to do that?”

“What? It’s baseball! BATTER UP!”

Sid sighs and reaches for his popcorn. It’s not like he didn’t know this was coming when Tanger called and said he had a couple of last minute Pirates’ tickets. But with so many months since the last time they went to a baseball game together, Sid’s memory of it had dulled, apparently. Across the stadium, he can see the stirrings of a wave starting and he sighs again, putting his popcorn back down because there’s no way Tanger will let him not participate in a wave.

Sure enough, ten seconds later Tanger elbows him, exclaiming, “ A wave!” and Sid has to laugh, even as he finds himself waving with everyone else around him.

It takes five rotations for the wave to finally die out, and Sid can finally settle in with his popcorn again. He manages one mouthful before his phone starts buzzing in his pocket. He’s seriously tempted to let it go to voicemail but he digs it out instead, with a grumble that turns into a curse when he sees the number calling.

He fumbles to choke down his bite, coughing for a second even as he answers the phone.

“Hi, sorry, this is Sidney.”

“Hi Sidney, I hope you’re well. We have—” And of course, _of course,_ the Pirates choose that moment to hit one out of the park, the crowd going wild. He turns and sprints up the steps without bothering to explain to Tanger. He’ll understand. He moves as fast as he can, a little breathless when he finally gets somewhere at least a little bit quieter. “Sorry,” he pants. “I’m at a ball game.”

She chuckles on the other end of the line. “Sounds fun. I’m sorry to interrupt but I knew you’d want to know—someone picked your profile. She’s a high school student in Philadelphia, and she seems pretty resolved, although I have to warn you just like before.”

Sidney feels like he’s had all the wind knocked out of him, and it takes him a moment to croak out, “Of course. Yeah, I…” He has no idea what to say.

“You’ll need to be ready quicker. She’s being induced on Monday.”

“Monday as in two days from now?” Despite all his efforts to not get his hopes up too high, Sid feels a spark of joy unlike anything he’s ever felt in his life.

“Yes, but there’s something else.”

Sid’s heart sinks and he swallows hard. “Is everything okay?”

“She has asked to meet you first. That means you’d need to go tomorrow and it would mean you’ll already be there if it falls through.”

Sid feels sick. He feels elated. He’s a little dizzy with everything he feels and it’s hard to put words to any of it. But there is one thing he knows for sure. “I’ll go. Tell me when and where. I’ll drive up tonight if I need to.”

She gives him the details and promises to also email them so Sid will have them in writing. He hangs up, prepared to text Tanger and say he’s got to go but when he turns around, Tanger is there, eyes wide with concern. “Everything okay?”

“I think, um. There’s a mom who wants to meet me. She’s being induced on Monday. I have to—I have to drive to Philly and—oh fuck.” Sid looks up wide-eyed. “Kris, I have to go to Philly and I might, she might…”

“Okay, breathe, Sidney. Breathe.”

Sid does, hunching over to rest his hands on his knees for a moment while he tries to get his wits about him. After a minute his breathing evens out and he stands up straighter.

“You okay?”

“I think so. But I need to—” he motions outside the stadium with a shaky hand and Kris grins widely.

“Let’s go.”

Sid is antsy, wringing his hands the entire walk to the car while Kris calls Flower to give him a heads up. It’s a relief when they finally get on the road and for once, Sid’s grateful that Tanger tends to see speed limits more like suggestions than actual requirements.

Something inside him settles a little when he gets the email from the agency with the details and he can start making a plan. “I’m going tonight,” he says and Tanger nods as though he didn’t expect anything different. “I gotta get a hotel.”

“You want me to try to get you something?”

Sid is already flipping through his apps. “I got it. I’m booking one next to the hospital.”

“Of course you are,” Tanger says with a grin.

Sid doesn’t respond, too busy completing his reservation, impatient that he can’t just pay for the damn thing. He doesn’t give a shit what size bed he gets, he just needs it booked. It probably takes less time than it feels like but he feels better when that’s done.

He’s starting on a list of what he needs to take when they turn onto his road and he’s surprised to see his house lit up and Flower’s Forester parked in the drive. He smiles despite his nerves.

The first thing he sees when he gets inside is the infant seat and one of the bigger bags he’d bought, sitting right by the door. The bag is zipped up and clearly packed full. A moment later Geno comes rumbling down the stairs holding a couple of small burp rags, smiling wide when he sees Sid.

Flower is right on his heels, carrying Sid’s small suitcase and one of his duffels. Those look full too.

“What…” Sid asks, unable to process what he’s looking at.

“We pack for you,” Geno explains, tucking the rags into the outer pocket of the bag. ”Everything you need ready.”

For a moment, Sid’s jitters fade to the background as he smiles at his friends. God he’s going to owe them so big for this. “Thank you.”

They hustle him right back outside and towards Flower’s car. “Wait, why—”

Flower cuts him off. “You think I’m letting you go alone? You’re way too wound up, I’m driving.”

Sid doesn’t argue, just smiles and helps load his bags into the back. When his eyes land on the diaper bag he turns to Geno. “I need socks and diapers and—” he cuts off abruptly, trying to remember everything he may need. God he hopes he needs it.

Geno grips his shoulders gently. “Everything there. I put in socks, jammies, undershirts, binky, blankets, empty bottles, wipes and diapers. Maybe put in a lot, enough for several day.” He grins sheepishly.

Sid has a thought and glances up at Geno. “There was a sleeper, a little purple one, on the dresser.”

“With penguins and matching hat?”

Sid nods and Geno smiles brighter. “I put it in. I know was special for you.”

It’s one of the things he’d confessed that awful night in January. Geno had stayed with him all night comforting him as much as he could. “Thank you,” he says and knows there’s not a chance he could convey how much he means it.

Geno hugs him briefly, but tight, saying in his ear. “No thank. Here for you now and be here for you when you get back.”

Sid squeezes tight before breaking away and two minutes later he and Flower are on the road.

Sid settles back into the passenger seat, watching the sun slipping below the horizon as they leave Pittsburgh. It’s a long drive but now that he has everything, now that he’s finally on his way, he feels a little bit better. He thinks about the things packed in the back and how he’ll cope if he loses his chance to use them again. It hurts and before he really thinks about it he opens his mouth to ask quietly, “What if it happens again?”

Flower doesn’t have to ask what he means. “You can’t think like that.”

“Marc.”

Flower sighs. “Yeah, I know, and if it does well, we’ll still be right there with you. I know that’s not a lot of consolation but we’ll be here for you. Nothing will change that. We’ll get you through it, and we’ll keep doing it until your baby comes home.”

Sid swallows thickly, overwhelmed at the sincerity of Flower’s words. He blinks hard, vision blurring and Flower reaches over and squeezes Sid’s wrist. “It’s what you would do, what you have done for all of us.”

It’s a long time before Sid can speak again.

\--

It’s nearly two a.m. when they get to the hotel.

By the time Sid showers and brushes his teeth, Flower is asleep face down on one of the beds. Sid smiles fondly at his best friend and turns his attention to his suitcase. He half-expects the bag to be full of mismatched things or whatever was closest that Flower could grab but it’s clear Flower packed thoughtfully, knowing what kinds of things Sid would likely want to wear.

He sifts through and pulls out clothes for the next day before zipping it back up and moving on to the baby bag. He settles himself on the bed and starts to pull things out, smiling at the thought Geno clearly put into the task, too. Geno was right, there are probably enough things in here for a baby to wear for a week but Sid’s grateful.

The last thing he pulls out is a small stack of baby blankets. The black Penguins blanket is there and the one with tiny bears all over it that Sid had picked out. The last blanket is new to him though and he runs his fingers over the fabric, soft and printed all over with forest animals. He shakes it open, intending to take a closer look but a small cloth book and a pair of tiny baby booties tumble out onto the bed.

He picks up the book first, cocking his head to the side as he turns it over and smiles at the cartoonish animal pictures captioned with both Russian and English words. The booties are gray knit with tiny mouse ears sewn on at the top. There is no tag on these and Sid suspects they’re hand-made.

He doesn’t have to guess where any of this came from.

He makes quick work of re-packing the bag, stowing the gifts from Geno near the top, hoping more than anything that he’ll get to use them. Without letting himself think too much about it, he picks up his phone.

_**Hey G. Just wanted to let you know we made it to the hotel.** _

Geno’s reply is instant.

_**Glad you make it. )) Why not sleeping?** _

Sid turns out the lights and scoots up to the head of the bed before replying. _**Nervous.**_

**_Of course.Tomorrow big day._ **

**_I found your gifts. Thank you. :)_ **

**_)) Hope you like. Want make sure baby know Russian uncle best. Most favorite._ **

Sid laughs quietly. _**Don’t let the guys hear you say that.**_

**_What they do, yell at me in Canadian?_ **

Sid snorts at the joke, laughter bubbling out louder than he meant it to but Flower doesn’t even stir. His fingers hover over the keys, hesitating before he types out the thoughts that he’s been trying to hard to ignore.

_**What if it doesn’t happen?** _

**_Then you keep try until you find your baby._ **

**_What if I mess everything up and she doesn’t like me?_ **

**_No chance that happen. She going to love you. Anyone who know you love you._ **

Sid sniffs at that and it takes him a minute before he finally types. _**Thank you. Not just for the stuff, for everything.**_

**_Not need thank. Always be here for you._ **

Sid knows he needs to at least try to sleep so he says goodbye to Geno and makes sure his alarm is set. He checks it three times before finally getting up and finding Flower’s phone to make sure that alarm is set too, and then he settles back into the pillows and waits for morning.

\--

Sid sleeps fitfully, not managing much more than three hours of sleep before he gives up and rolls out of bed. It’s still too early to justify waking Flower, so he pulls on some clothes and heads out, hoping to run off some of his nervous energy.

By the time he returns an hour later, dripping with sweat and toting two paper cups of coffee, his head still isn’t exactly clear but he feels at least slightly less jittery. To his surprise, Flower is up, though just barely, it looks like.

He looks up from his phone and groans softly. “Jesus, did you sleep at all?”

Sid shrugs. “Little bit. You’re up early.”

It’s Flower’s turn to shrug. “Big day,” is the only explanation he offers and Sid sends a silent thank you, one of many lately, out to whatever deity needs thanking for bringing his friends into his life.

He showers and takes his time shaving, being extra careful. He can’t show up with nicks or missed spots. His hand hovers over the hair gel for a moment before he pulls it back. Everyone he’s ever known has said they like his curls, so he does his best to tame them without the security of using product.

He can’t sit still when Flower takes his turn in the shower, bouncing his leg so much that he finally just stands and starts pacing. It’s a huge relief when they can finally leave the room, even if it’s just to go to breakfast downstairs.

Sid tries to make himself eat but it’s a struggle. He manages to force down a couple slices of toast at Flower’s coaxing. He’s almost feeling something resembling calm when he sits up with a loud, “Fuck!”

Flower glances around, smiling and raising his coffee cup at the startled people sitting near them before he leans in a bit. “You’re scaring the locals.”

“I don’t have anything for her.” His chest tightens uncomfortably as he berates himself silently. Fuck, _fuck_.

“Okay Sidney. Take a breath. We can handle this.”

Sid tries.

“What do you want for her?”

“A gift. She—Fuck, Flower she’s considering letting me adopt her _baby,_ and I don’t even have the smallest fucking gift for her!”

“We have time. I’ll get the bill now, and then we’ll figure it out. It will be okay.”

“But _what_? What do I get her?”

Flower sits back and thinks about it for a minute, considering. “I don’t think you want to go overboard here. How about some flowers from the hospital gift shop until you know her a little better. Then if you want to bring her something else tomorrow you can.”

Sid nods. “Right. Okay, yeah. You’re right.” He tries to slow his breathing.

“I’m always right,” is Flower’s only response. It’s a mark of how nervous Sid is that he doesn’t so much as scoff.

It’s a relief to get back to the room and brush his teeth after breakfast and then finally, _finally_ it’s time.

\--

Her name is Isabella, and she’s expecting him. His hand is shaking when he knocks lightly and he holds his breath until he hears her youthful voice saying, “Come in.”

Sid swallows hard and pushes the door open. He’s never been more nervous in his life as he eases into the room. He stops short when he sees her, sitting up in the hospital bed, all dark hair and olive skin and wide, dark eyes. The tray in front of her piled with text books and an open laptop. It looks like she’s doing homework but she drops her hands to her lap and smiles. “Hi, Sidney.”

He lets out a deep breath. “Hi, Isabella.”

It’s awkward at first, as he hands over the flowers before stepping back, hovering a little and completely clueless as to what to do with his hands.

“Thanks,” She says, taking a deep breath. “These smell really good.”

“Yeah? I think that’s probably the hyacinths.”

“Do you want to sit down?” She asks, nodding toward a chair near the bed.

“Sure. If that’s okay.”

“Yeah, of course.”

Sid settles into the chair but the longer the silence stretches out the more he feels like an idiot. He’s the adult, he should be _saying_ something but what do you say to someone who—

She interrupts his thoughts with a nervous laugh. “This is weird, right?”

“Yeah,” He lets out a deep breath but grins. “It kind of is. A little bit.”

It’s enough of an ice-breaker and slowly, they start talking.

She tells him to call her Izzy, and in return, he says it’s okay to call him Sid. She’s eighteen and heading to college in the fall. But she’s got to get through the last of her work for Senior year first, and she looks a little frazzled as she gestures towards the stack of books.

“That looks intense.”

She shrugs. “It is a little but, I um, I actually kind of like school. I take a lot of advanced classes.”

Sid smiles at that. “I did, too. What classes are you working on?”

She shows him, looking pleased at Sid’s interested expression as she talks about her classes. “I’m going to major in chemical engineering,” she says, with a proud smile. “I have a scholarship.”

His eyebrows fly up. “That’s impressive! How did you get into that?”

She shrugs. “I’m good at math and science and we had this chemical engineer come to speak at school. I guess it just sounded interesting.”

“It sounds really cool.” He means it.

She looks hesitant for a moment before saying, “I just wanted you to know, so you can tell her someday.”

Sid sucks in a breath, feeling like the wind has been knocked out of him and it takes him a moment to reply. “Of course. I’ll… Anything you want.”

“I want her to know I’m smart.” She drops her eyes for a moment. “Is that stupid?”

Sid sits up, desperate to comfort her. “No. God no. I—I want to tell her anything you want her to know.” He knows his voice is shaking but he can’t do anything about that right now.

Izzy smiles at him then, looking almost relieved. “I just want, if she asks about me, I want to be someone she could be proud of.”

“You already are.” He means it with every fiber of his being.

\--

Sid lays the tiny purple sleeper on the bed, running his hand over the soft fabric before he empties the rest of the bag and starts packing it. For real this time, he thinks. He hopes.

He’s so scared.

He moves with purpose but his hands still shake as he picks out which things will go into the bag. Ten tiny diapers, the thin travel container of baby wipes. Three onesie undershirts and three tiny pairs of socks. Two bottles, even though he’s been told that the hospital provides them for as long as the baby is still a patient. Two tiny pacifiers, one in case she needs it and one in case he drops the first one. God what if she spits up and he needs more clothes? What if none of it fits, what if—

“Sid.” Flower sits down across from him and reaches over, grasping his wrists gently. “Breathe.”

Sid nods and forces himself to take slow, deep breaths. After a minute or two he finally feels like he can breathe through the clench of fear in his chest. He takes one more deep breath, letting it out slowly before Flower is satisfied and lets him go.

“What can I help with?”

Sid shakes his head. “I’m pac—” he stops for a moment when his voice breaks, swallowing hard before he clears his throat and starts again. “I’m packing her bag. I just want to make sure I have enough.

Flower nods before sifting through the contents. “Looks like you have a good start. Remember if there’s something you forget I’ll come straight here and get it or even go to a store, if I need to.”

Sid knew that but it helps to hear it again. He nods and moves on to the pile of blankets. His hand hovers between them before he packs the one he bought and the Russian one Geno sent. He leaves the Penguins blanket with the rest of his stuff on the bed to use later. Please god, let him need to use it later.

He packs three burp cloths, two spare outfits, the tiny booties and, finally, the tiny purple sleeper and matching hat. With a satisfied nod he zips the bag up and closes his eyes for a moment, breathing deeply until he’s ready to say, “Okay. I’m ready.”

Flower smiles. “Then let’s go, Papa.”

\--

Like the day before, Izzy is sitting up in bed though there are no books or schoolwork surrounding her this time. She looks groggy but smiles when he steps in.

“Hi Izzy. How are you?”

She shrugs and for all her confidence, Sid can see the trepidation in her eyes. “Kind of nervous.”

Sid nods because, yeah. If he were in her shoes he’d be terrified.

He sets the bag on one of the chairs and she looks at it curiously.

“Is that her stuff?”

Sid tries hard to keep the tremble out of his voice. “I—yeah. It’s, um, I hope it’s okay that I brought it. I don’t mean to assume anything.”

She frowns and for a second he wants to throw up. “I’m not going to change my mind.”

His mouth opens but he can’t find any words. God, he’s got to get it together, he’s the adult here, and this teenager is acting ten times more calm than he is. He should be reassuring her, not the other way around.

She shakes her head, speaking more softly but sounding every bit as confident. “I picked you because I want you to be her Dad. You can give her the kind of life I want her to have. I know it won’t be easy but I’m not changing my mind. I want her to be with you.”

“Thank you,” he rasps, wishing that there were stronger words to make her really understand how much he means it. He sinks down into the chair and wipes at his eyes before dragging his hands over his face. He lets out a soft puff of something like laughter. “God I’m sorry. I guess I’m kind of a mess.”

She shrugs. “It’s okay. I think I get it. If you came all this way and then things changed…” She trails off. She doesn’t need to say how awful that would be.

“Yes. But it’s really important that you make this decision because it’s what you want. Not because you’re worried about _my_ feelings. God, don’t even think about that. You have to be okay with what you decide.”

“I know and I am. I’m sure.”

Sid takes a deep breath. “Okay.”

“So what’s in the bag?” She’s smiling again, softer now.

“Oh. Mostly diapers and clothes. And some blankets. Do you want to see?”

She nods. Sid feels awkward, but this seems to be what she needs, so he opens the bag and pulls out the purple sleeper first. “I thought maybe this could be the first thing I, um, put on her. For pictures or whatever. You know.”

He glances up to find her smiling brightly. “Purple is my favorite color.”

“Really?”

“Yeah. Maybe it’s a sign,” she jokes. Sid hasn’t ever really believed in signs, but he’ll take this one.

He stays until her nurse comes to start the pitocin drip.

“I think, um…” she trails off, glancing up at him apologetically.

“Right. Of course.” Sid stands, clutching the bag as he shifts from foot to foot nervously. “Are you going to be okay?”

“Oh. Yeah.” She nods at him. “My mom is coming back.”

Sid lets out a sigh of relief. “Okay. Okay good. I’ll be right in the waiting room if you need anything.”

Her lips twitch upwards, a sparkle in her eye as she says, “Unless you can trade places with me, I think I’m good.”

He lets out a huff of laughter and smiles fondly at her. “Yeah, okay. Listen, you got this okay?”

She holds her fist out and he can’t help grinning as he gives it a bump.

\--

Waiting is hard.

Sid knows it’s likely to be many hours, maybe even roll well into tomorrow but he can’t bring himself to go back to the hotel. He expected Flower to give him some shit about that, but he says nothing, just stretching out on one of the sofas in the thankfully otherwise empty waiting room.

About an hour in, a staff social worker finds him, and Sid sits up a little straighter. This is part of the process, and he was expecting it but it still sets off a whole new set of butterflies in his stomach. She goes over everything with him again just to make sure he understands what to expect after the baby arrives. He listens carefully even though he’s read through this so many times he has it memorized. He signs every form that he can sign in advance until finally all that’s left is to wait for the baby to be born, and Izzy to make her decision.

Morning slips into afternoon slips into evening. Flower makes him eat a couple of times. They play cards and walk to the cafeteria and back for something to do. Once every three or four hours, a nurse comes in just to report that things are going fine. Sid knows they don’t have to do that, that it’s a courtesy extended to him by Izzy and he doesn’t press for extra details other than checking on her well-being.

It’s well past midnight, Flower long since snoring sprawled out on the sofa, when Sid caves and turns out the light in an attempt to at least doze. It works better than he thinks because the next thing he knows there’s a light tap on his arm and a very quiet voice saying, “Mr. Crosby?”

Sid’s eyes fly open and he sits up straight in the chair he’d been scrunched in, staring with groggy eyes at the smiling nurse. “I just wanted to tell you that Isabella had the baby about an hour ago.”

Sid freezes. He knows he needs to say something but—

It’s Flower’s voice that breaks the silence from nearby. “Is Izzy okay?”

Sid looks at him gratefully because he understands what Sid needs even though Sid can’t find the words right now.

“They’re both doing very well. Isabella is very tired but overall in good shape. She’s with the baby right now. She wanted to make sure you knew the baby had been born.”

Sid has to shut his eyes for a moment, trying to blink back the wetness. “Thank you, for telling me.”

The nurse glances at her watch. “It’s almost time for shift change. I’m not sure which social worker you’ll have, but they will probably be up soon for you.”

Sid swallows hard and croaks. “Okay.”

When she’s gone he looks at Flower who is smiling over at him, messy haired and as happy as Sid has ever seen him.

“It’s almost time, Sidney,” Is all he says.

Sid dashes to the bathroom to try to clean up. He’s kind of a mess, but he digs into his bag and manages to quickly shave, brush his teeth and tame his hair. He slaps on deodorant and a new tee and sweatshirt and feels a lot more centered when he makes his way back to the waiting room.

An hour passes before the social worker comes to find them, a new one this time, just like the nurse had suggested. She’s just as kind as she sits down near him and offers up a document, and Sid looks up from Isabella’s neat signature in shock. “What is this? I thought—”

“This is just a release. She’s required to wait at least twelve hours before she signs the actual papers, and she wants the baby to be with you until then.”

“Oh,” he says dumbly, in a daze.

She tucks the paper away and asks for his arm before securing a hospital bracelet around his wrist. Sid stares at it, breath caught in his chest when he sees the name printed on it. _Lydia—_ the name he’d chosen.

The social worker smiles at him kindly. “Are you ready to meet her?”

\--

Sid’s given up even trying not to cry as he sits in the private hospital room that’s been assigned to them, holding the tiny baby close.

He can’t stop looking at her, can’t stop touching her.

He rubs a big palm over the light layer of dark hair on her head and traces his finger down her cheek as gently as he knows how before nuzzling her close. Then he starts all over again.

He feeds her a bottle that the nurses bring to him and then he changes her diaper, smiling the whole time. He lets Flower hold her for a moment, so she can meet her uncle he says, before Sid gets antsy, and Flower hands her back over.

He pulls her blanket open what feels like a hundred times to take in her spindly arms and legs, her tiny delicate fingers and toes. Then he wraps her back up, worried she’ll get too cold and manages to wait a few more minutes until he does it all again.

He takes a picture and sends it to Geno who replies immediately. _**Most beautiful baby I ever see. So happy for you Sid. You doing okay?**_

 ** _She’s so perfect_** , is all he manages before he tucks his phone away again and turns his full attention back to the tiny, incredible baby in his arms.

_His daughter._

He pulls the hat off again and rubs his hand over her soft, downy hair.

\--

Izzy opts not to see the baby during the waiting period, instead spending the time with a few members of her family. As much as Sid wants to go to her, make sure she’s okay he can’t and it hurts but he wants to respect her choices. He has nothing but respect for Izzy, and he’ll wait however long she needs and take the best possible care of Lydia for whatever time he has her.

Anxiety still dances just under the surface as the hours pass, the very real fear that she could change her mind at any moment. And could he blame her if she did? He can’t tear his eyes off of Lydia for more than a moment, already feeling like he’ll die without her. As the hours tick on, he feels the nerves rising in his chest, his throat thick at the thought he might have to give this up.

Flower does his best to reassure him and then he facetimes Tanger and Geno so they can try to comfort him, too. He can’t entirely swallow down the fear but it helps him feel less like he’s coming apart at the seams.

Sid holds Lydia the entire time, only grudgingly placing her carefully into Flower’s arms for quick trips to the bathroom and to scarf down the soup that Flower brought him and insists he eat.

He’s keenly aware of the moment the clock passes the twelve hour mark and then every minute after that. Even Flower is sitting on the edge of the couch, elbows braced on his knees as he keeps looking up at the clock.

“She has up to seventy two hours,” Sid says softly over the top of Lydia’s head.

Flower moves to the chair closest to Sid, reaching over to squeeze his arm and together they wait.

At twelve hours and twenty-nine minutes, there’s a soft knock at the door.

Sid can’t speak so Flower does it for him, letting the social worker in. She’s carrying a small file folder, and all he can do is stare at her.

“Isabella just signed the papers. It’s your turn now.”

Sid closes his eyes and it takes everything he has to hold back the sob of relief. He passes Lydia gently into Flower’s arms and begins signing form after form, hands shaking the entire time.

When it’s all done he asks carefully, “Can I—Is she okay?”

“She’s doing well. She wanted me to tell you that she’s sorry, but she doesn’t think she’s ready to see you.”

Sid nods. “Can I send her something, a message even?”

“Let me check with her.”

As soon as the nurse returns with the okay, Sid sends Marc out to pick out a delicate silver bracelet with a small heart charm that he quickly gets engraved with Lydia’s birthdate. Sid would give Izzy the world right now if he could so nothing really feels like enough but he hopes this is a gesture she’ll like. He ties the purple ribbon that Flower bought around the box and then sets it aside next to another bunch of flowers-all of them varying shades of purple.

He stares at the card—blank inside with a pastel purple and teal watercolor print on the front—because he can’t just send a gift alone. He can’t just say _nothing_ but he doesn’t know how he could ever thank her. There aren’t enough words in the world. In the end he simply writes, _Words will never be enough to express my gratitude. I will always make sure she is proud of you. Sidney._

He sends it all with the nurse who returns a few minutes later holding a small piece of paper for Sid that simply says, _Thank you_ followed by a heart. It’s written in purple ink.

\--

Lydia is officially discharged the next morning.

Flower shows up early with tea and breakfast sandwiches, clearly not at all surprised to find Sid wide awake, smiling down at the sleeping baby in his arms. Well, wide awake with bags under his eyes, if the last time he caught a glimpse of himself in the bathroom mirror is anything to go by.

“Did you sleep at all?” He drops the food on the rolling table and his backpack on the floor by Sid’s chair.

“A little,” Sid replies without taking his eyes off of Lydia.

It’s not a lie. He was too afraid he’d drift to sleep and drop her to sit up with her all night so he’d settled her into the isolette and pulled it as close as possible to his chair where he dozed off and on, never far enough from consciousness to miss a single sound she’d made.

“Sure you did,” Flower grins down at him. “How about Uncle Flower does a little babysitting while Daddy eats breakfast and takes a shower? I brought you clean clothes.”

Sid tears his eyes away from Lydia for the first time and scrunches his nose up at Flower. “Never call me Daddy again.”

Flower snorts and holds out his arms, beckoning with his fingers. “Come on, man. You held James way more when he was born than I’ve gotten to hold her.”

Sid rolls his eyes but he passes her over gently, feeling only a twinge of separation anxiety. She is his daughter, and he wants her to grow up loving these people as much as he does. Letting her go is hard but seeing her in his best friend’s arms feels good.

He takes Flower’s advice, scarfing down the food and dashing through the fastest shower he thinks he’s ever taken. His eyes immediately find Lydia the second he comes out of the bathroom, hair still dripping down onto the neck of his t-shirt. She’s fine, bundled up in Flower’s arms as he coos down at her, and Sid knew she would be but he lets out a relieved sigh anyhow.

“Feel better?” Flower asks without taking his eyes off Lydia. Sid smiles at how obviously taken with her Flower is, too.

“Yeah, a little,” he admits, sitting down in the chair closest to them and Flower passes Lydia back into Sid’s arms without having to be asked.

“The first few days are weird. It’s like you can’t get enough of them and you just forget about everything else.”

Sid understands it on a level now that he never could have grasped before. “How do you make yourself do anything? I mean other than take care of them?”

“Vero and I took care of each other. I think it was four days after Estelle was born before Vero got sick of smelling me and made me shower. I’d made her shower three times by that point, just so she could take a moment and feel better but it never occurred to me that I needed to as well.”

“I don’t have a Vero.”

“Yes you do. You have my Vero and you have all of us just like we had you.”

Lydia yawns, the tiniest sound squeaking out at the end, and they both light up. “God I love it when she does that,” Sid gazes at her, fully aware of how dopey he must look and not caring even a little.

They pass the next couple of hours together talking, holding the baby and snapping what feels like a thousand pictures. Sid sends so many to his parents, Taylor, Geno and Tanger. Geno calls shortly before noon, and Sid can’t force himself to stop smiling as he talks about his daughter. To his credit, Geno hangs on to every word, oohing and ahhing at every little story Sid tells about her tiny sounds or adorable nose crinkle.

He has to cut the call a little short when someone who turns out to be a photographer shows up at the room. Sid has always seen these pictures of everyone else’s babies, the quintessential newborn hospital picture, but somehow it hadn’t occurred to him that they would come to take Lydia’s pictures. He looks at Flower who simply shrugs and reaches for the diaper bag. “Part of the experience,” he says, grinning at Sid.

It takes Sid a little time to dress her, he’s still so new at this. His tongue peeks out of the side of his mouth most of the time he’s dressing her in the little purple sleeper and tiny gray booties.

The photographer wants him to lay her in the isolette so he does, frowning the whole time. Out of the corner of his eye he catches Flower grinning at him but ignores it because Lydia startled so much at the first flash that he kind of wants to call the whole thing off.

He manages to keep himself from snatching her up until she starts to whimper, and that’s the limits of his patience. He breathes a sigh of relief when he scoops her up and nestles her back to his chest, head tucked right under his chin and god he loves her so much.

Flower grins at him when the photographer leaves and all Sid manages to say is, “shut up.”

“It gets easier.”

Sid runs his fingers over her soft, silky hair and says quietly, “I don’t care how hard it is. This is worth it.”

She’s discharged shortly before noon, and it’s shockingly unceremonial. There are no more papers to sign, no more instructions to hear, he can simply leave because she is his daughter, and it’s time to take her home.

He feels a pang of grief for Izzy as he leaves the hospital, hoping so much that she’s okay.

\--

Sid sits in the back with Lydia securely buckled into her new car seat. She sleeps the first couple hours of the drive which is good in theory, but Sid feels like his arms _ache_ to pick her up. He has to remind himself over and over that they’ll be home soon where he can hold her as much as he wants.

The last couple of hours are...rough.

Lydia’s content for a few minutes after she wakes as long as Sid is touching her, patting gently and speaking to her. But she’s hungry and by the time Flower finds a safe place to pull off the highway, she’s letting out sad little wails, and Sid’s in tears. She settles the moment he has her out of the seat and offers the bottle.

The rhythmic clicking of her eating soothes Sid, and for a little while, he’s able to relax a little. Flower sets out and brings them back food which Sid lets get cold while he finishes feeding and burping Lydia. She fusses when he lays her down to change her diaper, and it’s hard not to feel flustered, blinking back the sting of tears. He wishes he were better at this, thought he _would_ be better at this. By the time he finishes, she’s completely red-faced from wailing.

He’s relieved that it doesn’t take much to calm her, just nestling her close and rocking gently while he talks to her. She drifts off almost immediately but he’s on edge as he eases her back into the carseat, sure she’s going to start crying again at any second. She doesn’t, and they hit the road again. The whole stop took about an hour, and they stop to do it all over again when they’re just half an hour from home because making her wait is absolutely _not_ an option.

In the end, the four and a half hour drive takes them closer to seven, and Sid has never been so relieved to be home in his life.

Taking her into the house for the first time makes him want to cry with happiness. He can’t believe he’s finally here, he has a _daughter,_ and it’s easily one of the best moments of his life. The first thing he sees when he gets inside is a huge “welcome home” banner strung on the wall. It looks like it’s been decorated by all three of his friends and their families. Before he can get a closer look, Geno pops through the kitchen door, lighting up when he sees them. “You home!”

He rushes over, followed closely by Tanger who is grinning ear to ear. Sid smiles proudly as he lifts Lydia out of her seat. “Geno, Kris, meet Lydia.”

Geno’s face looks almost stunned as his gaze lands on her, reaching out to touch her tiny fist. “ _Sid_ ,” he breathes. “She perfect.”

“She is, isn’t she?”

“Can I hold?”

“Yeah of course,” and it’s still hard handing her over, but when he sees her there, cradled carefully in Geno’s huge hands, his breath catches.

Geno makes his way to the couch and sinks down, staring at her in awe the whole time.

“Hello sweet baby,” Geno coos at her. “We going have so much fun together.”

Sid sits carefully next to him, smiling so much it hurts.

Geno talks softly to her until she slips back off into sleep between one blink and the next before passing her back to Sid and leaning back into the cushions.

They talk for awhile and Geno brings out a slice of cheesecake for Sid when Tanger holds Lydia. “Special day have to have special treat.”

Sid eats quickly, itching to get Lydia back in his arms again. When he finally does, he lets the guys’ conversation wash over him, finding it hard to take his eyes off of his daughter. Eventually, Tanger has to head home, followed closely by Flower.

“Will you be okay, Sid? If I go, too?”

“Yeah of course. I—Flower, thank you. I’m so glad you were there with me.”

Flower smiles. “I wouldn’t have it any other way. I’ll see you tomorrow but you call us if you need anything at any time. Got it?”

“Got it,” Sid just smiles and settles back into the couch again when Flower leaves.

Lydia is curled into a teeny loaf on his chest, sleeping soundly as he looks around, finally taking in the fact that this is real. He has a daughter and he brought her home. He’s a father now. His eyes land on Geno and all he can do is flash a watery smile. Everything really is perfect.

That night he spends hours simply holding her close as she sleeps, only putting her down into the crib when exhaustion makes it impossible to keep his eyes open. Even then he only allows himself to doze in the rocking chair two feet from her crib.

The days bleed together, a hazy fog of happiness holding her close, watching his friends meet her for the first time and delighting in learning how to take care of her. Yes, he’s tired and no, it’s not always easy but he’s so overwhelmingly happy that he’s able to push that to the side.

On her third day home, she has her first pediatrician’s visit. Sid finally has to admit that maybe he should try to get more sleep because at some point after a pre-dawn bottle, he lays her carefully in the crib and collapses in the rocking chair only to wake a long time later to her sad little hungry cries. He jumps up, surprised at the sun streaming through the window and winces as he picks her up, his neck protesting having slept at such an odd angle for so long. It’s not until he’s hurriedly made his way downstairs and through bottle prep that he looks at the clock. “Shit!”

He looks down at her with wide eyes. “Oh god. Sorry. That’s a bad word and I shouldn’t—We’re running behind.”

His anxiety spikes more and more the longer she eats. If they can get out the door _right now_ they’ll probably make it. If traffic isn’t too bad. But she’s still eating and he can’t make her wait while he drives her there and he can’t feed her while he’s driving and god how did this happen?

In the end he sits perched on the edge of the chair and waits for her to finish eating. Once she’s burped and changed and dressed in a tiny outfit, he sets her into the bouncy chair for the first time in her life. He stares down at her for a moment before saying, “I’m so sorry. I hope—Daddy just has to get ready okay? I’ll be two minutes.”

She blinks at him. and he dashes for the bedroom and is back in less than the promised two minutes, wearing sweats and a t-shirt. Nevermind that it’s supposed to be 80 degrees today, he’s just glad he’s got clothes on. He buckles her into the car seat and jams his feet into flip flops—seriously at least he has shoes on, right?—and races out the front door.

It’s not until he gets to his car that he realizes he doesn’t have keys. Or his wallet or cell phone or the diaper bag.

“Shit!” His eyes dart to her again where she’s dozing. “Sorry.”

Back on the porch he tries the door, knowing it will be locked. “Oh god. Okay, it’s okay Lydia,” he says to his sleeping daughter. “I’ll, um—” he casts his eyes around desperately until they land on Geno’s house. He can hear hints of music from the open windows and he takes off across their lawns, being as careful as possible not to jostle Lydia in her seat.

He rings the bell and then knocks without waiting and a few seconds later Geno is opening the door. His eyes widen comically as he takes in Sid’s appearance. “Sid? What wrong?”

“I, um. We’re late? She has her first pediatrician appointment and I overslept and now the keys are locked in the house, and I _have_ to take her because if they think I can’t take care of her they might take her away and—”

Geno interrupts, gripping Sid’s shoulders. “Okay. Is going be okay. We get you there. Need you breathe for me, okay?”

Sid tries.

Geno fishes his phone out of his pocket and puts it in Sid’s hand. “Call doctor office, explain trouble, tell them you be a little bit late.”

He disappears back into his house but by the time Sid has dialed the Doctor’s office, Geno is back, holding up the spare key Sid had given him ages ago. He gives a quick nod and heads for Sid’s house. Sid follows as he explains the situation to the receptionist and listens with relief as she says it’s okay if he’s late, they had a cancellation half an hour from now and they’ll move Lydia to that spot.

“Thank you. Thank you so much. I just—thanks.” he forces himself to stop babbling and hang up, reaching the door just as Geno comes through it, holding up the diaper bag. “Put wallet, cell phone inside. Checked to make sure she have diapers, clothes, blankets and two bottle. That everything?”

“Keys,” Sid says, a little breathless.

Geno holds them up. “I drive your car if okay with you. You too stress to drive right now.”

Sid wants to argue but he snaps his mouth shut, overwhelmed with relief.

Once they’re on the road, Sid seated right next to Lydia in the backseat, he lets his head fall back against the seat as he sighs in relief. When he opens his eyes, he catches Geno glancing at him in the rearview mirror, looking worried. “You getting any sleep?”

“A little, yeah.”

Geno’s brows furrow a little deeper, and he presses his lips together but doesn’t argue. Sid can’t blame him for being skeptical—he can only imagine how he looks right now. He wishes he’d had time to shower and—

Suddenly he thinks about the conversation he had with Flower in the hospital and it’s only then that he realizes that he hasn’t showered since that day. He drops his head back with a groan. He can only imagine what they’re going to think of him.

“Sid?”

“I think I stink.”

“What?”

“I look like a clown and I haven’t showered in three days. What are they going to think of me?”

Geno’s expression softens, realization dawning on him. “They think you new papa of newborn and is not easy. They think you doing best job take care of her, make sure she always have needs met.”

“Maybe,” Sid says, chewing his bottom lip.

The pediatrician is the same one Flower and Tanger use for their kids. There’s a brief moment of confusion when the nurse calls out, “Lydia Crosby?” And Sid picks up her carseat, taking a couple of steps before turning back to Geno.

“Are you coming?”

Geno raises his eyebrows, looking a little surprised but gets up and follows along, taking the diaper bag from Sid’s arm. They fall into line behind the nurse and Sid’s cheeks are hot as he says quietly, “Sorry. You don’t have to, I mean, if you don’t want—”

“Sid,” Geno looks at him with a fond smile. “Is fine. Happy to come.”

Before they reach the examination room, the nurse leads them into a room with a small, cushioned table that serves as a scale. “We just need you to strip her down to her diaper and we’ll get her weight and length.”

Sid stares dumbly for a split second, wishing he wasn’t so completely clueless about what to expect, before fumbling to get her out of the seat. She starts to fuss almost as soon as he strips her clothes off, protesting the cool air and it takes every shred of strength he has to simply lay her down on the scale instead of bundling her back up and refusing to let anyone else near her.

“I’m so sorry baby. It’s just a few seconds, I promise,” he says anxiously, throwing a look at the nurse because if it’s any longer than that he’s going to lose it.

It seems like ages but is probably only less than a minute before he’s finally able to scoop her up. He immediately turns to look for her diaper bag and finds Geno already holding out a blanket, the one he’d bought.

He covers her against his chest, holding her tight and feeling his cheeks flush at Geno’s wide grin. “You like blanket?”

“It’s her favorite,” Sid admits to which Geno nods as though he’d known this all along.

They finally get to an exam room but Sid barely has a moment to sit down before the door is opening and the doctor is greeting him with a warm handshake.

“Mr. Crosby, it’s so nice to finally meet you. The Fleurys and Letangs have nothing but great things to say about you. Congratulations.”

“Thank you,” Sid feels flustered. “Sorry, um.” He gestures to himself. “I overslept a little bit.”

He smiles. “All part of having a newborn. Marc-Andre showed up missing a shoe once.” He turns his attention to Geno while Sid is snickering, shaking his hand as well. “I’m Dr. Heinze.”

Geno shakes his hand with a friendly smile. “I’m Geno, friend and neighbor.”

“It’s great to meet you, Geno.”

Lydia gets a quick exam, during which Sid hovers nearby feeling itchy and anxious until she gets a clean bill of health. Sid gets to ask a lot of questions, all of which Dr. Heinze answers patiently along with making sure Sid knows how to reach him and then they’re on their way.

Back in the car, Geno asks, “How long until she need eat?”

“Um, maybe an hour? She’s asleep again though.”

Geno nods. “I’m pick up food on way home.” He meets Sid’s eyes in the rearview mirror. “No argue.”

Sid is, frankly, relieved and just lets his head fall back against the seat without a protest.

Lydia sleeps the entire ride and Sid lets himself doze through the food run and drive home.

Back at the house he sets Lydia’s seat on the dining table and is about to unbuckle her when Geno nudges him out of the way with his hip. “You eat. I take care.”

Sid does open his mouth to argue this time but Geno just shakes his head. “You can keep eye on and tell me what to do. I follow instructions but you need eat, Sid. And drink big glass of water.”

Sid bites his lip for a moment. The relief he feels at having someone he trusts to help, even for a short while, is tremendous and he finally nods. “Okay.”

Lydia seems pretty content curled up against Geno’s chest. He doesn’t seem to mind eating one-handed while Sid scarfs down his own food and, like Geno had suggested, water. He hadn’t realized just how much he needed both until he’s finished and feels so much better. “Thank you.”

“You work so hard take care of her. Just want make sure someone take care of _you_.” His gaze is soft, tinged with something that Sid can’t quite parse, but it makes his throat a little tight and he ducks his head, unsure how to reply.

Luckily, Lydia starts to stir, and Geno smiles down at her. “Hi Lydushka. You ready for eat now, too? No burger for you, sweet girl but I’m get you your favorite,” he banters, standing up and making his way to the kitchen.

Sid can’t help following but Geno doesn’t seem to mind. “You teach me how make bottle?”

So Sid does and soon Geno is sitting on the couch, smiling and cooing at her in his softest voice while Sid looks on. He pauses only for a moment to look up and say, “You want take quick shower? I’m feed, burp. We have best conversation.”

Sid hesitates for a couple of seconds before tossing out a quick thanks and dashing for the bathroom. He’s back just as Lydia has finished and Geno has her on his shoulder, smiling as he pats her back. “You gonna burp for me? Not be shy, let big one out.”

Sid can’t help the laugh that slips out and Geno looks up. “Fast.”

Sid shrugs.

“Feel better.”

“Actually, yeah. A lot better.”

Lydia burps then and Geno praises her, much to Sid’s amusement.

He sits on the couch, trying not to hover too much while Geno changes her diaper. Watching Geno croon sweet words to Lydia while he takes care of her as gently and carefully as he can makes Sid’s chest ache and he finds himself biting back tears.

Geno’s expression quickly changes from happy to concerned when he glances up and sees Sid’s shining eyes and watery smile. “What wrong?”

Sid shakes his head. “Nothing. Sorry. I think, I’m just tired and just. You know, Lydia. She’s real and she’s here and...”

Geno finishes re-dressing Lydia and picks her up before reaching over to squeeze Sid’s hand. “She so lucky to have you.”

Sid tries to croak out a response, but he can’t quite manage it. Geno fills the silence by carrying Lydia to the kitchen and returning just a moment later to plunk a water bottle down in front of Sid. “Drink. Try relax a little bit, maybe take nap. You need rest.”

Sid downs most of the bottle before sinking back into the cushions, watching as Geno resumes what sounds like a very important conversation with Lydia in Russian. He really doesn’t think he’ll be able to sleep but he relaxes, stretching his legs out to prop on the coffee table, figuring he’ll at least stretch out a bit while he has the chance. That’s the last thing he remembers.

Sid slowly rises to consciousness. He’s comfortable and warm, stretched out in a way he hasn’t slept since—

Sid flails, sitting up and immediately looking around. He’s on the couch and alone. Lydia’s bouncy seat is there on the floor but it’s empty. He lets out a panicked cry as he jumps up, struggling to untangle his legs from the blanket and stumbles just as Geno steps into the room, Lydia cradled in the crook of his arm.

“Sid?” There’s concern written all over his face.

Sid breathes a sigh of relief, dashing to Geno’s side before resting a hand on Lydia’s belly. “I—I woke up and didn’t remember—and she was gone…”

Geno’s expression softens. “I take her to change diaper. Here,” he passes Lydia over, smiling as Sid draws her close to his chest and drops his nose into her hair.

Sid stands like that, eyes closed, just breathing her in for a moment before blinking his eyes open again. Geno is picking up an empty bottle from the table next to the chair. “I’m sorry. I didn’t think that you did anything, I just…”

Geno smiles fondly at Sid. “No sorry. I know you not think that. You disoriented, wake up and not see her. Parent instinct, Sid. You good papa.”

Sid looks at him gratefully, and there are a lot of things he wants to say, but Lydia squirms so he looks down at her instead.

“I just finish feed her about ten minute ago. She eat good, burp good, fill diaper good,” he snickers.

“She already ate again?” He smiles down at her. “You’re a hungry girl today.”

“She eat twice more, actually. You nap for few hours.”

Sid whips his head around to look at the clock, surprised to find that nearly five hours has passed. “Oh god, I’m so sorry. Shit, you should have woken me up!”

“Stop apologize. You needed rest and happy to help. Me and Lydia have good time, didn’t we sweet girl? We eat, play and I teach her little bit of Russian.”

Sid smiles. “Oh yeah?”

“Yup,” Geno says with a wink as he heads towards the kitchen. “So sad, you miss her say first words. She say ‘Zhenya best.’”

Sid dissolves into giggles and follows along.

\--

Geno stays for a couple more hours on Sid’s insistence that he order them dinner as a thank you for helping out.

The nap—which was honestly more like a full night of sleep at this point—did a world of good. Things are easier that evening, even after Geno has gone home. After he settles Lydia into her crib, he drops into the rocking chair by her bed and thinks about what Geno had said to him earlier in the day. Flower had said similar things back at the hospital. Taking care of himself is so much harder than he’d imagined it would be. It was like he blinked and lost three days of time, so caught up in the bubble of happiness surrounding his daughter.

She’s only a few days old and he’s not willing to give up much time with her, but he realizes he could probably try to find a little more balance. There, in the dark of her room where she’s sleeping peacefully and he’s well-rested and fed, it’s easy to find resolve. To find the determination to make it happen.

He’s such a fool.

By morning, he’s had about three hours of broken sleep. Lydia isn’t particularly fussy, she just cries when she’s hungry or wet, like most newborns. The thing is, that’s a _lot_ and as determined as Sid is to do something as simple as take a shower, it quickly gets put on the backburner, forgotten even, as he spends the night and next day in a haze of feeding, diapering and rocking interspersed with small catnaps here and there.

When Geno shows up at his door early that evening, he can imagine how he must look. He took his shirt off half an hour ago when Lydia spit up on it and hasn’t had a chance to go grab another one yet. He hasn’t even looked at his hair today, much less run a comb through it. But he smiles because it’s Geno and because he’s just in time for that sweet spot of time that sometimes happens right after Lydia is full but hasn’t drifted off yet, where she watches him with wide eyes as he talks to her. Sid feels a little entranced during those moments, like they’re something sacred.

He glances at Geno happily and nods, indicating he should come in before he goes back to talk to Lydia face to face. “You have good timing. She’s wide awake,” he says, not taking his eyes off of her.

Geno peeks his head over Sid’s shoulder. “Look at wide eyes. You have good day, Lidushka? Practice Russian?”

Sid giggles and leans in to plant tiny, fluttering kisses along her forehead.

Geno lifts his hand and for the first time Sid notices the full bag in it. “I bring dinner.”

“You didn’t have to do that.”

“When’s last time you eat?” Geno raises an eyebrow pointedly and Sid has to stop and think about it.

“Um. Right. Probably this morning.”

“See. Knew I need come and feed you so you’re not waste away.”

Sid snorts. “Sure.”

“Besides, I hear through grapevine that Marc and maybe Tanger swing by tonight so I get a lot.”

Flower and Tanger do show up fifteen minutes later and Sid smiles watching his three best friends take turns holding Lydia, all of them completely enchanted by her.

After they’ve demolished all the food, Flower insists on cleaning up, throwing Sid a dirty look when he tries to get up to help. Sid shrugs. “Well, okay. Feel free to scrub my toilets too.”

Flower throws a balled-up empty wrapper at him.

Lydia starts to fuss shortly after that but when Sid tries to stand up and head to the kitchen Geno waves him back. “Sit, Sid. I take care.”

“Oh. I—are you sure?”

“Am sure. Take break while can, okay?” He gives Sid a knowing look. Sid thinks again of what he said the day before and realizes with sudden clarity that Geno is taking care of him. He’d meant it when he said he was going to take care of Sid, and Sid’s honestly not sure what to do with that.

Flower gives Sid the hairy eyeball, and Sid slides his eyes to where Tanger is cooing at an increasingly squirmy Lydia. Geno’s back with the bottle at the same time Sid lifts Lydia from Tanger’s arms and Geno holds out a hand, beckoning with a smile. “It’s Russian conversation time.”

Sid doesn’t even try to hold back his grin as he passes her over carefully.

“What the hell?” Flower looks offended. “I haven’t even gotten to feed her yet.”

Geno lifts his chin smugly, “I’m feed her like three time already. You slacking.”

“Then maybe you should let someone else get a chance.”

Geno draws her in just a little, stubbornly. “What that you say, Lydushka?” He looks up at Flower. “She’s say nyet. Tsvetok urodliv."

Flower narrows his eyes suspiciously. "What does that mean?"

"Means she says no because you ugly."

Sid bursts into laughter that Geno and Tanger join in on. Flower glares at all of them. “She did not say that.”

Sid sinks down on the couch and maybe the sleep deprivation is getting to him a little because he’s overcome with giggles, and it takes him a minute or two to get it out of his system.

\--

The next couple of days pass in the same sort of jumbled haze. It’s all a foggy blur of feeding, rocking, diapering and napping and then doing it all again. He makes an effort to wash bottles every day and even does a load of laundry, overjoyed that Lydia’s been with him long enough that her tiny clothes and blankets make up a whole load.

Geno stops by after he gets off of work both days. He makes Sid eat and sends him off so he can at least get a shower although once Sid is so exhausted he collapses on the sofa instead of showering, and the next thing he knows it’s the middle of the night, and he’s waking up on the couch again. The lights are low but he can clearly see Geno dozing in the chair, reclined all the way back, big hand on Lydia’s back protectively where she's sleeping on his chest. A longing that he hasn’t felt in awhile blooms back to life deep inside of him as he takes in Geno’s features, thinks about what it would be like if he could just reach out and run his fingers through Geno’s messy hair or trace his jaw.

Sid’s not stupid. He knows by now that what he’s feeling for Geno is more than just thankfulness for a friend helping him out. But those feelings have to take a back burner because right now, Lydia is the center of his world, and that is where his focus needs to be.

Geno stirs immediately when Sid begins to lift Lydia out of his arms.

“Shhh,” Sid whispers and uses his free hand to pull a throw over Geno who blinks at him, zeroing in on Lydia before he finally nods and lets his head fall back again. He’s snoring softly in a matter of seconds. Sid feeds and diapers Lydia and then tries to settle her in the bassinet he’d dragged out to the living room to use. Once he’s confident she’s sleeping soundly, he pulls it as close as he can to the couch and curls up, dozing back off almost immediately.

Sid wakes to the sound of Lydia’s whimpers later and the first thing he notices when he gets up is that Geno’s chair is empty, the blanket left puddled on the seat. It’s still dark out but there’s light pouring out of the kitchen doorway and soft sounds of movement. Sid lifts Lydia, pulling her close to his chest and pads bleary-eyed to the kitchen where he finds Geno rifling around in the fridge.

“Hey,” he croaks, voice still thick with sleep.

Geno whips his head around and smiles brightly. “Hey. I make too much noise?”

“Not at all. She’s hungry.”

Geno automatically hands over a tiny prepared bottle from the fridge and Sid puts it into the bottle warmer. When he turns around, Geno is frowning. “Was going cook breakfast but not a lot in fridge.”

“Yeah I’ve kind of been putting off going to the store. I just don’t know about taking her someplace like that yet, you know?”

Geno nods. “Make sense.”

“I started an online order a couple days ago and fell asleep. I’ll try to get it finished today.”

“No bother, cost extra. I’m run to store for you. Need go anyhow.”

“Are you sure? You don’t have to do that.”

“Is no problem. I’m already be there anyway. Just make me list.” At that he pulls a half finished loaf of bread out and plunks it down by the toaster. “I make toast, keep eye on bottle if you need change her.”

Sid can’t deny that all of Geno’s helpful gestures take a tremendous a load off of his own shoulders. He knows he’s not alone, that he can always call his friends for help but something about this, Geno being able to anticipate things that will help is even better.

After a breakfast of peanut butter toast and a couple of questionable grapes he makes a list that Geno frowns at. “Not much on here, Sid.”

Sid shrugs. “I don’t really have a lot of time to cook right now. This stuff is easier.”

Geno considers that. “Makes sense. Okay, I think I’m go now, avoid crowd.”

The sun is just starting to rise as Geno pulls out of his driveway with a smile and a wave.

\--

It’s a big night.

Lydia is one week old and Sid is taking her on her first trip to Flower’s house.

He smiles down at her as he dresses her in a pale pink romper with ruffles that was a gift from Vero. His chest fills with pride as he gazes at her and doesn’t think he’s biased for thinking it’s a very good color on her. The fact that he thinks that about every color she wears is irrelevant.

He makes sure he has several other outfits tucked into the diaper bag with way more diapers, wipes and blankets than he’ll ever possibly need. When that’s ready he drops some bottles into a small cooler and puts it by the door before heading back up to his room.

It feels like a victory when he manages to change clothes, brush his teeth and even comb his hair while Lydia kicks her legs, laying in the middle of his bed. He constantly checks on her anxiously but when he’s ready to go she’s still right where he placed her, squirming just a little as her eyelids get heavy.

Driving them the several blocks to Flower’s house alone feels like a huge accomplishment. He won’t bother mentioning to his friends that he stopped after a couple of minutes to check on her because she was being too quiet.

Geno isn’t there yet—he had a later shift at the hospital today—but Tanger and Cath are already there and he barely gets in the door before Vero is scooping Lydia lovingly out of the seat. Sid has to force himself to tear his eyes away after a few seconds but he regrets it when he turns to see the absolutely schmoopy expressions on his friends’ faces.

“I know that look,” Flower teases with a grin.

“Shut up.”

“So rude. It’s normal to be overprotective. No judgement.”

Sid shrugs but he can’t bring himself to be embarrassed about it. Pride swells in his chest again as he looks over at where Cath is cooing at her now. That’s his daughter and if he wants to be a little overprotective well that’s his right as her dad.

By the time the food is ready, she’s back in his arms, and he doesn’t feel bad about it. He just holds her close with one hand and stuffs baby carrots into his mouth with the other. He’s in the middle of trying to serve himself pasta salad one-handed when Geno arrives. The first thing he does is glance around, smiling when his eyes land on Sid. A moment later he’s bullying his way past the guys and gazing down at Lydia. “How’s Lidushka today?”

“Good,” Sid garbles, mouth full of pasta.

Geno snorts. “Want me hold so you can eat?”

Sid hesitates for a second but then gently passes her over. “Thanks G.”

Tanger pulls a face. “You literally just ripped her out of my arms two seconds ago because you said you missed her!”

Sid throws him a flat look. “I did not rip her out of your arms. Oh my god.”

When he looks back, Geno is already cooing in that deep rumble of his to Lydia and she seems perfectly fine so Sid takes the opportunity to pile more onto his plate.

He digs into the hummus first and turns to Flower. “Where’d you get this. It’s really good.”

Flower shrugs. “Giant Eagle probably.”

Suddenly Geno is there, Lydia tucked in the crook of his arm. “I pick some up for you at store. I put in fridge.”

“Oh. Nice! Thanks, G.”

It’s Geno’s turn to shrug with a smile. “Know you like.”

It’s a warm evening and they all head outside with their plates. Spending summer evenings with his friends is easily one of Sid’s favorite things to do and doing it now, with Lydia? It feels even better. He loves that she’s going to grow up surrounded by his friends and their famlies. Eventually the kids abandon dinner for the yard and Geno gently hands Lydia back over so he can go chase them. Sid smiles, leaning back as he listens to their happy squeals. A moment later, Flower drops into the chair next to him, smiling at Lydia. “You look really happy, Sid.”

“I am. You know I am.”

“Yeah, I know. You look tired, too.”

Sid glares at him. “How kind of you.”

“I didn’t say that was bad!”

“I’d look a lot worse if it wasn’t for Geno. He came over last night and I slept for like five hours.”

Flower stares at him for a few seconds before saying carefully, “Sounds blissfully domestic.”

Sid cuts his eyes over. “Marc…”

Flower holds up his hands. “I’m just saying, he’s spending a lot of time with you two.”

Sid frowns. “What are you getting at?”

“I worry about you, Sid. I don’t want you to get hurt.”

Understanding finally dawns on him and he shakes his head. “Well you shouldn’t. Geno would never do anything like that.”

“Not on purpose, no.”

The furrow of Sid’s brow sinks deeper. “Marc, you told me once when Estelle was born that seeing us with her made you proud. At the time I didn’t fully understand what that meant.” His face softens as he looks down at Lydia, running a gentle finger down the side of her face as she sleeps. “I get it now. If I’m happy when he’s around, it’s because it means he’s family just like all of you are her family. God, to know she has that, that that’s something I can give her…”

Sid has to swallow a couple of times before he finally smiles softly, eyes still on Lydia as he speaks quietly. “That’s all I want. I’m not reading anything into it, I’m just really fucking glad she has you guys. Freaking! I meant to say—Oh god.”

Flower snickers.

“Shut up. I keep slipping up.”

Flower laughs and reaches out his hands, beckoning for Lydia. Sid gives him a look but then he hands her over with a smile.

\--

The next few weeks are the happiest of Sid’s life. Lydia is growing and changing every single day and watching that is one of the greatest joys of his life. The first time she grows out of an outfit, he finds himself getting choked up and he really couldn’t say why. It’s an odd mix of happiness that she’s thriving and sadness that it’s all going so fast.

And it is going fast. Somehow the days slipped into weeks until he has the sudden revelation that she’s nearly a month old. It’s not like he didn’t know it was coming but now that he’s there the idea that an entire month could have passed in what felt like a blink seems impossible.

They have actual routines now, and his friends are a part of them. They’re checking in on him almost daily, and without fail, Geno stops by every evening after he’s home from work. Knowing that he’ll always have help if he needs it takes a tremendous weight off of his shoulders. Geno even stays over a couple nights a week, insisting that Sid get at least a few hours of sleep. He’s growing to love the quiet conversations they have between alternating naps. Sid worries a lot that Geno will feel taken advantage of but when he expresses that, Geno frowns at him. “This is not hardship for me, Sid. Want be here for you, if you want, too.”

And the thing is, Sid does.

Every weekend he takes Lydia out, usually to one of the guys’ houses although he recently took her on her very first shopping trip to Target. Geno tags along and Sid thinks they probably spent more time gazing and talking to Lydia than doing the actual shopping. He did, at least, manage to get the diapers and wipes he came for, along with a stack of tiny summer outfits because she’s already growing out of a lot of her newborn clothes. Maybe he goes a little overboard, but Cath is going to take pictures to commemorate her one month birthday, and he wants to make sure he has something nice to dress her in.

Lydia is six weeks old when she sleeps five straight hours for the first time. He’s shocked when he realizes it and halfway convinced he’d just looked at the clock wrong or something but then she does it again the next night and suddenly it becomes their new normal.

A couple of days later. Sid sits with her in the shade of Geno's back patio. He likes taking her outside. She seems to like it, so he tries to take her out anytime it's not too hot. Geno sometimes walks her around the yard telling her about various plants and birds that he doesn’t actually know anything about but it’s fun to listen to him enthuse about them anyhow.

Sid’s just finishing up feeding her while Geno steps inside to grab drinks. He burps her and then cradles her head in his hands and lays her back while she gazes up at him. He grins, heart feeling close to bursting just like it does pretty much every moment he’s with her. “That’s my girl,” he coos at her with a wide smile.

Lately when he talks to her, she raises her eyebrows, eyes widening like she’s listening to every word. He loves it, talks to her all the time about anything and nothing just to see the expression on her face. “You like it outside don’t you? Do you like being out here with Dada and Geno? Do you like to see all the green trees and hear the birds and—”

He stops, breath catching in his throat. His heart feels like it’s going to tear out of his chest because Lydia just _smiled for the very first time_. It’s not the sleepy smile she sometimes gets as she’s dozing off but a purposeful, wide, gummy smile just for him. “Oh my baby,” he says, eyes stinging. “You just smiled at Dada. What a sweet girl!”

She smiles again.

Sid couldn't drag his eyes from her right now if his life depended on it. He keeps talking and she keeps smiling and when Geno finally steps back outside Sid breathes, “ _Geno look_ ,” without looking away from her, hearing the awe in his own voice. "She’s _smiling._ ”

Geno makes a surprised sound and leans in as close as he can get. “Oh my god,” he coos. “Look at you sweet girl! Your Dada make you so happy?”

His voice must get her attention because her gaze slides over to Geno, looking like she’s deep in concentration. He keeps talking and after a few more seconds of staring at him wide-eyed she suddenly breaks into another wide, bright smile.

" _Sid_ ," Geno gasps, seemingly frozen in place.

“I know,” he says quietly, the wonder in his voice matching Geno’s.

Neither of them can look away so they stay there talking to her, transfixed until she balls her tiny fists up with a yawn and starts to drift to sleep. Sid finally lifts her up against his shoulder, rubbing her back as he glances over at Geno. He’s so happy he feels like he could cry and from the look of Geno’s eyes, he’s feeling the same way.

“Never know seeing baby smile make me feel so… _so much,”_ he croaks out, voice sounding scratchy. “So glad I’m here to see this.”

“Me too,” Sid says softly.

\--

Sid has been dreading Lydia’s two-month checkup for the entire month since her last visit. He likes Dr. Heinze just fine and he’s happy to take her in and make sure everything is going well. But the two-month check means it’s time for her very first round of vaccinations. He wouldn’t dream of not vaccinating her, but he’s not exactly excited to see her in pain. A few weeks back, he’d accidentally scratched her with the corner of his fingernail, and he felt so bad he’d cried. He wishes there was some way that he could explain to her why this is so important.

There’s not, though, and Flower and Tanger both say all he can do is make sure it’s fast and then cuddle her immediately. So he squares his shoulders and forces himself to buckle her into the car. His forced bravado lasts until the moment a nurse slips into the examination room carrying syringes, and then he has to fight the urge to snatch Lydia up and run.

The nurse is very experienced, and it goes quickly, but Lydia’s sweet happy face still quickly twists into an expression of pain and something Sid is sure is betrayal. His eyes are wet as he quickly pulls her up to his chest and starts doing every trick he’s learned to comfort her. It feels like she cries for an hour but the clock tells him it’s more like thirty seconds. He privately thinks it must be malfunctioning.

It’s a relief to be told they’re done and not due back for two more months but when he lays her on the table to put her romper back on, she lets out a soft whimper that quickly escalates to a wail in the minute it takes him to dress her. She’s still crying in his arms, though not as loudly, when he checks out and he has to fight the urge not to glare daggers at the nurse when she says goodbye with a smile.

He hesitates at the car—there’s no way he’s forcing her to cry the whole way home, so he cranks up the air conditioning and sits in the backseat rocking and cooing at her softly until she finally goes limp with sleep.

He makes the drive home relatively unscathed

Lydia is cranky when she wakes, and Sid hopes it’s just hunger. But she’s not tolerating being put down like she normally does so he’s back to making her bottle one-handed like he’d had to do in the beginning. He tries not to scrutinize every expression and movement she makes while she eats and burps but it’s hard and every time he sees the pink and purple bandages they’d put on her thighs to cover the injection spots an irrational wave of guilt washes over him.

She seems appeased after eating but quickly starts fussing when he tries to lay her on a playmat. He curls up on the floor next to her, trying to catch her attention with the toys that hang above her. “Aw sweetheart, you usually love this.”

He tries for another minute or so to settle her down to no avail, so he resolves to just hold her if that’s what makes her happy. He’s a little surprised that she falls asleep, head heavy against his chest after just a few more minutes—it’s sooner than she’d normally nap but Dr. Heinze said she might be cranky and tired so he nestles her carefully into the bassinet and hopes she feels better after a good nap.

Lydia’s eardrum-piercing wails after sleeping for less than half an hour makes him think she does not, in fact, feel better. She settles pretty quickly after he pulls her close to his chest and starts to sway. It’s a huge relief when she finally drifts off again. This time, he’s not putting her down.

He’s walking a slow lap of his first floor when he hears the soft knock on the front door before Geno’s head pops in. “Sid?”

Sid feels guilty at how relieved he is to have someone else around during this. “Hey G,” he says very quietly.

Geno’s eyes almost immediately zero in on the bright pink bandage on her thigh, eyes widening with concern as he hurries to Sid’s side. “How shots go? She okay?”

Sid shrugs wearily. “She’s been a little fussy.”

“Poor girl,” he says, lifting a big hand to rub at her back. “And poor Papa. What can I do?”

“Actually, would you mind holding her? I’ve had to pee for the last forty five minutes, but she gets upset when I put her down.”

“Of course I’m not mind. Here,” His hands are incredibly gentle as he moves her as carefully as he can, nestling her against his chest just like she’d been against Sid. He resumes Sid’s path while Sid dashes to the bathroom. When he comes back Geno looks at him, scrutinizing. “When’s last time you eat something?”

Sid shrugs. “Breakfast.”

“Should eat.”

Sid throws together sandwiches for both of them and they eat quietly, side by side on the couch. When he’s finished, Sid falls back against the cushions with a sigh. “Today sucks.”

Geno turns, careful not to jostle Lydia. “That bad?”

“It’s—I mean it’s stupid because I know she needs them, but I just feel so _bad_ ,” He hates that his lower lip is shaking. “When they did it, she was looking at me and it was like she thought I was the one hurting her.” Sid swallows hard. “It made me feel like such a shitty parent.”

Geno shifts, supporting Lydia with one arm and reaching out to Sid with the other. He’s frowning as he grips Sid’s hand. “Don’t ever want you say or think that. You _best_ dad, I see everyday how hard you work to take care of her.”

Sid opens his mouth to protest, but Geno squeezes his hand and keeps talking. “Sid, good parent is not just guy who only make her happy. It’s guy who makes sure she gets shots so she be healthy, even if it hurts little bit. Good parent is feed her and change her and give everything she needs, put her first always. Even when you tired or hungry or been waiting forty five minutes to pee. Shitty parent not do any of that.”

Until that moment Sid hadn’t realized how much it would mean to hear those words. He doesn’t think he can say anything without losing it so he draws in a shaky breath instead and manages to croak out. “Thank you.”

Geno settles back next to him but he doesn’t let Sid’s hand go.

\--

It’s a rough night until sometime around two when Sid thinks she must start feeling a little better because she smiles at him several times while she’s drinking her bottle and only fusses a little bit when he lays her down to change her diaper. He’s spent most of the night dozing in the recliner, Lydia curled on his chest. But this time when she falls asleep, he takes a chance and lays her in the bassinet by his bed and she sleeps there until almost six thirty.

It’s a huge relief when he picks her up she stops fussing and smiles at him. He smiles back at her, peppering her face with kisses. He gets her changed and has just reached the bottom of the stairs when there’s a quiet knock on his door. Just like the day before, Geno peers in, face breaking into a sheepish smile when he sees them.

“Hey G. What’s up?”

“Morning. Sorry I come so early.” He steps inside, lifting a cloth bag to show Sid. “I’m on way to work but I have extra breakfast and think maybe I bring you in case you had rough night.”

Sid kind of wants to hug him. “God, thank you. You didn’t have to do that.”

Geno sets the bag on Sid’s dining room table and walks closer to talk to Lydia. “Good morning, Lidushka. Look at pretty smile! You feel better?”

“I think she does. She was pretty fussy until two but then she slept until, well, now and she’s been happy so far.”

“Good. I worry about you guys.”

“We’re okay,” Sid says with a grateful smile.

“Have to run but promise you try eat breakfast while still hot.”

“I promise.”

Geno heads out, stopping just long enough to say, “I’m see you later sweet girl! Be good for your papa today.”

Once Lydia is fed, Sid chances putting her into the bouncy seat, so he can unpack the food. She only protests a little bit but settles when he bats at one of the hanging toys, making it swing and catch her attention. He’s expecting something small like maybe bagels and some bacon. What he gets instead is an egg scramble packed with veggies, a side of bacon, and a container full of pancakes. There’s a smaller container with what Sid assumes is syrup that, on closer inspection, has a note on the side that says, “Yes, is real thing Sid.” He laughs and pulls the last items out of the bag—two thermos containers, one filled with cold orange juice and the other with hot tea. Sid stares at the spread for a moment before dashing to grab his phone.

He shoots off a quick text to Geno. _**When you said breakfast I didn’t know you meant a feast.**_

A few minutes later, just as he’s digging in, he gets a reply in the form of a simple string of eyeless smileys.

Sid texts him a thank you and then, after a moment’s hesitation, sends one more. _**“You’re the best.”**_

The second row of eyeless smileys he gets in return is twice as long as the first.

\--

By the following day, Lydia is completely back to normal, and Sid couldn’t be more relieved. He knows that things like this are part of parenting—he’d never deluded himself into thinking they’d never have difficult moments, but he’d had no idea just how scary and heartbreaking it would be. Logically he knew what was going on, but that hadn’t stopped his emotions from running wild. It’s not a feeling he’s apt to forget.

Maybe that’s why he’s vaulted into high alert a month later when Lydia wakes up wailing less than an hour after he put her to bed with a suddenly stuffy nose and very cranky temperament. It’s times like this that he doubts himself the most but he manages to stay calm as he tries to figure out how to deal with this while he completely freaks out internally.

When Geno shows up at his door in pajama pants, an old t-shirt and bedhead all Sid feels is relief.

He takes one look at Sid and Lydia—who currently has a snot bubble the size of jupiter on her nose and is screaming like a banshee at Sid’s careful pacing having been interrupted—and reaches for her.

Sid hands her over and fumbles for his phone. “Thank you. I need to call the doctor. Can you?”

Geno nods. “I have her, you call doctor.”

Sid bites his lip but he hands her over, apologizing when she immediately smears her face and everything on it all over the collar of Geno’s shirt. “Oh god. Shit. I’ll get a wipe. I—”

Geno reaches for Sid’s wrist and gives a gentle squeeze. “This is no problem. You call, I’m take care of Lydia.”

The on-call nurse he reaches wants Sid to take Lydia’s temperature which is basically a nightmare that takes both him and Geno to accomplish and results in Sid having a minor melt-down because she definitely has a fever and _why does this nurse sound so relaxed_?

She calmly recommends taking Lydia to the Emergency Room if he doesn’t want to wait until morning to see Dr. Heinze. Sid very much does _not_ want to wait that long so Geno helps him pack her up and reaches for the keys. Sid climbs into the back without arguing.

Several hours later they leave the ER with a long list of things to watch for and a diagnosis.

Lydia has a cold.

It doesn’t even seem to be a bad cold, she just feels like crap and is loudly making that known.

On the one hand, it’s a relief to know there’s nothing serious going on. On the other, it’s a little bit torturous for Sid because there’s very little he can do for her, and it hurts to see her suffering. Not to mention it could always develop into something worse, and he really, really doesn’t want that.

Geno stops at a 24 hour pharmacy on the way home, leaving Sid in the car with Lydia while he runs in and buys a humidifier because one of the doctors recommended it. It takes all of Sid’s effort to keep Lydia from melting down while the car is stopped and he drops his head back in relief when they’re finally moving again.

At the house, Geno gets the humidifier set up while Sid tries to feed Lydia, something she’s been struggling with all night because of her stuffy nose. She’s pretty pissed off though, after a truly traumatic bout with the nasal aspirator, also at the suggestion of one of the doctors. It’s not pleasant and it’s definitely not pretty but somehow he gets her nose clear enough that she downs four ounces, only stopping a couple of times to snork and cry a little bit at the interruption.

It feels miraculous when, after she eats, she manages to drift off in Sid’s arms and he sits very, very still, determined never to move again if that’s what it takes to help her keep sleeping.

Geno motions for Sid to turn so he can at least stretch out his legs on the couch but Sid shakes his head, staying right where he is, too afraid to do anything to disrupt her sleep. Geno frowns, looking around the room for a moment before his eyes land on the big squashy ottoman that Sid’s been using as a makeshift changing table. He looks very pleased with himself as he clears off the changing pad and diapers and everything else Sid keeps on it. He scoots it over, reaching down to lift Sid’s crossed ankles with one hand while he slides the ottoman under Sid’s legs with the other.

He looks around one more time, gets the throw off of the recliner and covers Sid all the way up to where his hands are resting against Lydia’s back. Geno gives a satisfied nod and then carefully, so carefully, eases down onto the couch next to Sid, stretching his legs out on the ottoman too.

Geno balls up his fist and holds it very close to Sid’s hand and Sid has to smile, moving as carefully as he can to give the fist bump and mouth a silent, “thank you.” Then he reaches down and lifts the edge of the blanket, pulling it over Geno’s legs too.

\--

Sid takes her to see Dr. Heinze the next day despite the ER visit and Geno drives them again, stopping for food on the way home just like he had on that first visit when she was just a couple of days old. It’s with a sudden clarity that Sid realizes just how much Geno has been there for him since the day he brought Lydia home—before that, even. Since the day he told Geno he wanted to adopt. His heart clenches as he meets Geno’s smiling eyes in the rearview mirror.

It takes a few days this time for Lydia to gradually recover and Geno is there for all of it. And that probably should have pinged Sid’s radar a lot sooner than on day three, but he’s been beyond exhausted Both of them have only been catching short naps here and there between taking turns pacing through the house with her, changing her, rocking her, feeding her—doing anything they can to try to help her feel better.

That night he feeds Lydia her bedtime bottle while Geno putters around; Sid thinks he hears him washing bottles and he’s seriously going to owe Geno so many dinners when this is over. Her nose has, thankfully, cleared up so much with the help of saline nasal solution. She hates it with a passion and looks at him with eyes full of betrayal as she protests the process every time. He can’t deny it has worked well, though and he hopes she can forgive him eventually.

She eats well, but the real test comes when she falls asleep in his arms, and he ever so carefully lays her in the bassinet, holding his breath, and she keeps sleeping. He does a silent victory dance but stops short when he turns and sees Geno looking incredibly amused. Sid feels his cheeks heat and he dumbly whispers, “She stayed asleep.”

Obviously, Geno can see that but he just smiles and holds out his fist for another fistbump. He motions for Sid to sit on the couch and disappears into the kitchen only to quickly reappear with reheated leftover chinese. They dig in, both of them exhausted and starving, occasionally talking in hushed tones.

Afterwards they both relax back, Sid sinking into the soft cushions and trying to will the tension from his body. It’s been a hell of a few days.

“Think safe to say we made it?”

Sid feels quiet, exhausted laughter bubble up. “I hope so.”

Geno grins. “We make good team.”

Sid turns his head to look at Geno then. “Yeah,” he says after a moment.

“Want you try to get little more sleep tonight.”

“Me?” Sid huffs. “You’re in the same boat. Are you sure you don’t want to go home and sleep peacefully in your own bed.”

He expects Geno to laugh or even take him up on the offer but instead he shakes his head, looking serious. “Not leaving you to deal with alone. I’m leave if you want me to but would rather stay and help take care.”

Sid’s quiet for a moment before whispering, “I don’t want you to leave.”

“Then I’m stay. Make sure someone take care of you, too.”

“What about you?”

“We take care each other.”

Sid thinks about that, suddenly remembering the revelation he’d had in the parking lot of the doctor’s office three days before. Three days….

Sid sits up, suddenly wide-eyed. “Geno. What about work?”

Geno shrugs. “What about?”

“You’ve been here for three days. God did you call in or something? I don’t want you to get in trouble.”

“Not call in. I email HR, take a few personal days.”

Sid’s mouth falls open. “You—you took personal days? For this?”

Geno’s gaze settles on Sid’s. “For you.”

Sid stares at him for a moment and maybe his brain isn’t operating well enough to keep him from doing something potentially stupid but before he can stop himself, he leans in.

Geno meets him halfway.

** Epilogue **

Sid’s not really sleeping but his eyes are still closed when he hears the tinkle of Lydia’s sweet voice, babbling from the nursery across the hall. He hadn’t been sure he’d be able to get used to having her sleep in a separate room, but she’d made the transition without a complaint and Sid can’t deny it’s definitely been good in some ways.

He pulls himself out of bed and gives his arms a quick stretch, glancing at the cracked bathroom door with a smile. He hears the shower turn on as he pads across the hall. Lydia is still babbling away, pajama covered feet in her hands as she tries to pull one to her mouth. She drops them when she spots him, flashing a huge smile, her very first tooth front and center. She’d gotten it last week and he’s already taken about a million pictures.

“Good morning, sweet girl.” He lifts her out and laughs as she waves her hands excitedly, accidentally whacking him in the face before leaning in and trying to gnaw on his chin. “I don’t think so little miss nibbles,” he teases, swooping her around to distract her. The resulting giggles make him feel like his heart is going to careen out of his chest at any moment.

He takes a few minutes to talk to her and play. He sings her favorite songs and gives her raspberries before finally hoisting her onto the changing table and stripping her down. “We need to get you dressed. Today is a very important day.”

He pulls on the warm outfit they’d chosen for her to start the day in—a pink cotton top with long sleeves capped with ruffles and gray pants printed all over with pink hearts. Her fancy dress is packed away in the diaper bag already, along with tights, shoes and even a bow that he’d let Geno talk him into now that her dark hair is so thick and long on top.

He’s pulling her socks on when he hears movement behind him and, a moment later Geno’s arms slip around his waist. He leans close, propping his chin on Sid’s shoulder and coos good morning at Lydia. She’s elated, like she always is, squealing and kicking her legs in excitement.

Geno plants a soft kiss high on Sid’s neck, just below his ear. “Should go shower,” he murmurs. “Still warm in bathroom. I feed her breakfast.”

Sid twists just enough for a kiss before he heads back to their room.

When he comes downstairs, he finds Geno feeding her pear puree. He nods his head towards the stove where the kettle sits. “Water ready for tea if you want.”

Sid makes them both a mug of tea before quickly scrambling some eggs and making toast. They sit at the table, eating together while Lydia plays happily with a tiny spoon. Sid gazes at her before glancing over at Geno who flashes him a soft smile. He still can’t believe he gets to have all of this.

After breakfast, Sid makes them each a mug of tea to take along, checks to make sure they packed everything they’ll need for the day. Finally all that's left to do is bundle up and head out.

It’s mostly quiet in the car, but Geno reaches over the center console and holds Sid’s hand. “Okay?”

Sid’s throat feels thick already as he smiles over at Geno. “I just can’t believe it’s finally happening.”

Geno pulls Sid’s hand up, planting a soft kiss on his knuckles before settling both their hands back on his thigh. “Best day.”

It’s snowing by the time they reach the courthouse; it looks strikingly beautiful against the deep greens and reds of the Christmas decorations hanging on nearby businesses.

Flower and Tanger are waiting inside, all the kids decked out in nice clothes and Sid’s throat feels thick already.

He swallows it back so he and Geno can quickly make their way to the restroom and swap Lydia’s clothes for the dark red dress and thick gray tights. Geno wrestles tiny, soft mary janes on her feet while Sid pulls on her little gray sweater and pulls back the shock of hair on her head, securing it in a little ponytail with the red bow.

When she’s dressed he adjusts his tie, looking nervously at Geno. “Do I look okay? Is this alright? Should I have dressed more formal?”

Geno hoists Lydia up and then leans in, pressing a kiss to Sid’s temple. “You look perfect. Not need change anything.”

“Thank you,” Sid says softly, pushing up to buss a soft kiss against Geno’s lips.

He takes Lydia, and Geno straightens his own tie. “What about me, hmm?”

Sid winks at him. “You look amazing. I’ll tell you how amazing later.”

Geno looks very interested in that answer.

Sid’s attorney and caseworker are waiting for them outside the courtroom and they all file in, Sid moving to the front table with Lydia and his representation and everyone else filing into the seats behind them. Geno sits directly behind Sid, reaching up to squeeze his shoulder once, just before they get started.

When it’s all said and done, Sid doesn’t think he’ll ever be able recall all the details.

He’s perfectly aware that there were questions—all standard and normal according to his attorney—and then both the attorney and the social worker spoke on his behalf but if anyone asks him he doubts he’ll remember much about their words. All he can really remember is the swell of emotion, the overwhelming love for the little girl in his arms and the relief at this finally being really, truly permanent. Forever.

He has no idea how long it takes but suddenly the judge is banging his gavel and signing the decree and his friends are on their feet, rushing him and gathering him and Lydia into a massive group hug.

They’re allowed to take pictures and Sid beams through them all, nestled against Geno’s side and holding Lydia in his arms. He can’t stop looking at her, completely filled with awe at his sweet daughter. _His daughter._ She had been his from the very first day but this is the final hurdle, irrevocable proof that she will always be his.

If he has to wipe tears away more than once, no one says anything about it. When he looks up at Geno, his eyes are damp, too and rimmed in red. His smile is blinding.

Flower has reserved the entire back room at their favorite restaurant and every moment is perfect. Sid wouldn’t want to celebrate this in any other way.

By the time, they leave the restaurant Lydia is passed out, head on Geno’s shoulder, body limp against his chest. Everyone comes home with them and they pass the evening watching a Pens game in the light of the Christmas tree he and Geno had decorated together while Lydia watched with wide-eyed interest. Her very first Christmas tree.

They take turns with her and she’s happy to move from lap to lap, being doted on. She loves them all.

Eventually, the night winds down and everyone files out, Flower stopping to hug Sid tightly before he goes.

Sid feeds Lydia her bedtime bottle, scrubs her gums with the tiny toothbrush they’ve been using and dresses her in pajamas before settling down with Geno in her room where they take turns flipping through picture books printed in both Russian and English.

It’s not long before her eyes are drooping and Sid hugs her close for a moment before settling her into the crib where she rolls onto her side, barely stirring. He creeps out, Geno following and pulling the door partially closed.

Sid makes good on his earlier promise, peeling Geno out of his clothes and telling him every little thing he liked about the dress pants that hugged Geno’s ass so nicely, the shirt that accentuated his arms in a way that made Sid a little weak in the knees. Geno licks his lower lip and returns the favor and then Sid pulls him down onto the bed and then there’s a lot less talking for awhile.

Later, when he’s panting and sweaty and trying to get his wits about him again, Sid thinks he just had the perfect ending to the perfect day. He tells Geno so and gets a soft laugh in return, Geno pulling him close and planting kisses along his jaw.

“Best day,” Geno says, repeating the sentiment from earlier. Sid has to agree.

“It's finally official,” Sid says softly, parts of him still trying hard to believe it. He glances up at Geno. "I never dreamed I'd get to have you both. I love you so much and so does she."

Geno smiles, eyes closed for a moment before he pulls back to look at Sid seriously. "I love you for a long, long time before she ever come along. Never imagine how much I would love her too."

“Geno,” Sid says, voice thick. 

“Is only the truth.” 

Early the next morning, Sid wakes tangled in Geno’s arms to the sweet sounds of Lydia’s soft babbling floating across the hall.

_Oh the sleep in your eyes is enough_

_Let me be there let me stay there awhile_


End file.
